Houston, TX-- The transit of Venus across the sun has come and gone, but it has left a nasty surprise in its wake. The very rare transit seems to have infected anyone who watched it with a variety of venereal diseases. Skywatchers across the planet are waking up today with syphilis, gonorrhea and herpes. The World Health Organization is busy opening free medical clinics to help everyone.
The planet Venus was named after the Roman goddess of love. The Romans seemed to understand that Venus was somehow associated with venereal disease. Modern astronomers didn't make the connection until after most of them woke up today with the wretched infections.
"Yesterday I was watching the transit of Venus with my telescope when I felt a warmth in my crotch." said famed astronomer Dr. Karl Saygun. "Today I had a burning sensation when I peed. What's going on??"
Medical scientists believe the sun's rays passing through Venus' atmosphere somehow activate germs and viruses on all sexually active adults. Doctors say it is nothing to be ashamed of.
The next transit of Venus will happen in 2117, but astronomers are already sounding the alarm.
"It's worse than watching a solar eclipse without protection. Just ignore the damned thing!" advised Dr. Saygun before heading to a medical clinic.