World Health Organization: "Men's Desks Are Dirtier Than Women's. Also, Pizza is Yummy."
The World Health Organization released findings on a series of expensive studies today, including a study that shows that men's desks are dirtier than women's.
"Look, we have an annual operating budget of $1.4 billion, and the last thing we cured is smallpox," said WHO Chairman Nick Rosania. "Not all of that money goes to hookers and smack."
The study identified at least 500 species of bacteria in the offices, and found that men's offices tended to be germier than women's.
"We believe that the cause of the germiness is, in part, due the differences in hygeine habits between men and women," continued Rosania.
"While women tend to douse themselves in hand sanitizer and Britney Spears: Curious perfume every ten minutes, whilst men will pick their nose, scratch their assholes, wipe away smegma-laden scrotum sweat and whack off at least twice before washing their hands. Fuck, we men are disgusting."
Rosania promises more research is on the way from the WHO, including studies proving that all humans have biological parents, people can not fly by flapping their arms really fast, more than 99% of Americans use money to buy things, and you shouldn't take a shit on your dinner plate.