A private company has successfully launched a rocket into space for the first time. Starship Enterprises Ltd (also known as SEL) are planning regular rockets to the Moon, Mars and beyond, as soon as the technology is cheap enough. They are already working with budget airlines to develop a space-plane at crashingly low prices.
SEL's director Randy Gauntlet explained that allowing private businesses into space would provide benefits to all. As well as less tax money being dropped into the bottomless pit of space, toilet facilities would also be improved. Government-funded space toilets are notorious for their lack of comfort and unearthly odour.
But they are not the only company itching to get their hands on a piece of space. Coffee company Starbunks are reported to have bought the rights to open coffee outlets throughout the known universe, after the US government decided to sell its space assets to raise cash.
However, there could be complications as the Russians have claimed that space belongs to them because they reached it first. Thankfully, the Pope has stepped into the debate. He has suggested that Starbunks should be allowed to settle all of outer space to the left of a line 370 leagues west of Seattle, and Russia should get the rest.
Meanwhile, Bryanair have announced that they will be teaming up with SEL to provide budget flights to the Moon. One way tickets would be on sale for as little as £1, although a return ticket would be significantly more. Bryanair have told their customers "not to worry about safety, because we don't. Customers can expect the same levels of comfort and service in space that they have become accustomed to on Earth."
All this interplanetary capitalism has sent markets rocketing, but some miserablist hippies are not so pleased. Green campaigner Wendy Searises moaned, "Humans have already ruined the Earth. If we're allowed to go to Mars then soon there'll be no rainforests there either."