OSAKA, Japan - A archaeological team from Holmenkollen, Norway, has made an amazing discovery.
Olaf "Icicles" Gunnarstrand, leader of the six-man archaeological team, has declared that the team known as The Blue Sardines has discovered the bones of what if believed to be the infamous Japanese monster Godzilla.
Gunnarstrand informed Yoshi Yamayamo, a reporter with the Osaka Sun Messenger, that his team found 313 bones ranging in size from a KIA Spectra down to Danny Devito's index finger.
The bones were found in a field that was covered with the natural scientific mineral know as Shinbutaki, [Pronounced: SHIN-BU-TA-KI] which is a 13th century substance used in the production of non-wood chopsticks.
Gunnarstrand noted that Shinbutaki is only found in two places in the entire world. One of the places in located 37 miles east of Osaka and the other place is located just north of the Narragansett, Rhode Island city limits on a jalapeño farm owned by twins Webster and Ocarina Farkenpopper, who are both 89.
Gunnarstrand remarked to Yamayamo that the entire 313 bones will be shipped to the highly reputable bone identifying agency Bones & Stuff which is located in Dinosaur, Colorado.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Dr. Brutus Wineweiser, III, professor of Archaeology at Our Lady of The Dog Mushers College in Anchorage, Alaska, is regarded as the world's foremost expert on Japanese monster bones. He emphasized that DNA tests will prove conclusively if the bones are in fact from Godzilla or possibly from one of three other Japanese monsters including Rodan, Mothra, and Gigan.]