Written by Loyal Humanist
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Topics: Liverpool, Diet

Monday, 24 April 2006

image for Diets proven to work! Or do they?
Typical example of self-deluded dieter

Shockwaves rippled through the diet industry yesterday as new findings by the University of Liverpool were released about the effectiveness of diets. Shockingly the report was unequivocal in its support of diets, especially crash diets, to lose weight and gain a healthier lifestyle.

For decades companies have made fortunes selling products and services to customers that they thought would not work, generating more revenue as customers keep trying to lose weight.

A leaked report to this very newspaper from a source close to the project told us that the study was sponsored by Weight watchers. This coupled with the inability of any other scientific establishment to reproduce the results, brings the findings under attack by the scientific community.

I interviewed one fat lady, Suzy, a self -confessed serial (failed) dieter, who still believed that the diets tested in the reports even after being shown the flaws in the overly positive conclusions, said that if the students release a diet book she would buy it.

The book, "The Diet that passes the Test" is due to be released on Monday next week and judging by the massive (pun intended) support on the street, it will be a best seller. This demonstrates once again the publics' ability to ignore the facts and believe what suits them.

An anonymous insider from Weight Watchers' competitor, Sliming World confirmed that they had an emergency meeting with the directors into the small hours of last night and I am reliably that there were some heated exchanges. She has since expressed her relief that the results are somewhat suspicious - after all they have a 10 year business plan based on the premise of repeat custom.

While the jury is still out as to the veracity of this study's findings, people will buy the book. Even if conclusively proven to be falsified results, the obese of this world will cling to the false hope of a quick fix and blame Mars el at as the 'big business' baddies trying to quash the diets success - and still buy the book.

My own diet book, Eat less, do more is doomed to failure I fear.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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