Written by Shawn Parks
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Topics: American Idol, Hell

Sunday, 23 April 2006

image for Chaos Theory Of American Inventor

All Hell broke loose during the taping of the latest episode of "American Inventor." For those who are not familiar with the show, it is "American Idol" with inventors instead of singers. Viewers tune in to see a lighthearted look at some cool gadgets, and goofballs with ludicrous concepts. What they actually do see is a bunch of sob stories from guys who spent their life savings developing things like a paddle-free ping-pong game.

Anyway, the trouble started when one of the participants was showing the judges his plutonium powered rat disintegrator. The so-called "future of pest control technology" did not disintegrate the test rat at all, but rather mutated it into a fifteen-foot tall monstrosity. The creature went on a rampage, trampling such inventions as:
~ Edible Fax Paper - So moms can send meals to their kids in college.
~ A Combination Tooth Brush and Nose Hair Trimmer.
~ A Robotic Girlfriend (whose builder committed suicide not long after the taping).
~ A Role Playing Game For Jocks.
~ A Solar Powered Electric Blanket.

Just as the horrible monster turned its attention to a line of lingerie made from a cheese-based fabric, another contestant was able to bring the beast down with the fully automatic Staple Cannon 8-60. The judges voted to allow the inventor of the high-tech staple gun to move onto the next level of the contest. Unfortunately, a mysterious woman shot that man in the back. The woman claimed that she was a contestant from "American Inventor 7," who had used her entry, a Time Machine, to come back to our time. She also claimed that the staple gun inventor's next creation, the Staple Cannon 8-70, would become self-aware on March 17th, 2008 - and would eventually staple half the human race off the face of the Earth.

Before the mystery woman could be arrested, she hopped into her Quantum Leap Accelerator, and vanished. She awoke to find herself trapped in the past, facing mirror images that were not her own, and driven by an unknown force to change history for the better. The producers of "American Inventor" expect this episode to be their highest rated so far.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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