Written by Cameron Logan
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Thursday, 17 May 2012

image for According to Recent Studies, Ten out of Ten Americans are Lazy
Don't worry buddy, you're not alone.

According to a recent study, America is the first 100% lazy country.

Steven J. Henrickson Ph.D. (Britain's top researcher of American habits) conducted the study by asking five hundred Americans to do simple tasks, such as changing the television channel.

However, the Americans who were given the task of changing the television channel were not given a remote control, which Dr. Henrickson said "led to lots of frustration and shouting, which is a pastime that most Americans enjoy taking part in. Bloody Yanks." Most of the test subjects later admitted that they knew they could change the channel on the box but "didn't feel like it."

While many Americans struggled with the task of getting off their lazy "butts" (the American word for bum), others were subjected to the tedious task of walking a mile. Dr. Henrickson's study showed that one-hundred percent of them either ran out of breath before the mile was up or stopped to "light up" (the American phrase for smoking a fag) . Many even ran out of breath and then "lit up".

The third and final group was given the task of "fixing their own dinner". Four out of five of the test subjects in this group immediately had brain aneurisms. The other twenty percent drove away and came back with McDonalds. When told that "buying McDonalds didn't count", the Americans started a riot outside of the research facility. Dr. Henrickson said it was "the laziest riot my eyes have ever witnessed".

When asked about his opinion of the study, President Barack Obama simply said "Don't look at me. I wasn't born here" and then proceeded to laugh at his own wit.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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