HARFOLD, Vt. - In a study released this week by Harfold State College, scientists revealed that dinosaurs were, by far, the worst farters in our planet's history.
Although these farts went a long way in warming the planet, increasing the average temperature by as much as 10• Fahrenheit, it may have been this very expenditure of gas that led to these creatures' extinction.
"Let's face it," says Harfold State College instructor of archeology Priscilla Fontaine. "Rancid, wet farts aren't going to get the job done whether you're man or beast."
The study's most profound conclusion: if one or both mates were ripping ass, and one of them most always was, the chances of hanky panky happening sank to almost null.
Fontaine: "I think we need to take a hard look at what we eat. We can't just assume we can eat all those beans and cabbage and expect others to want to get close to us.
"Our very survival could depend on it. It won't take an asteroid to wipe us out. Just a couple silent but deadlies."