Written by David Grant
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Saturday, 28 April 2012

image for Scientists Monkey Around with Evolution
Towelling (Secret Photo)

The scientific community is ostracizing those scientists who publicly admit they do not believe in the theory of evolution. this was revealed to me by two men who have suffered "Toweling" at the Royal Society.

Professor Madd said, "It was totally humiliating. They completely stripped us, showered us, and then towel-whipped us on our backsides out onto the street."

They managed to get home by pretending they were street entertainers, but the episode has scarred them both.

In his latest book Madd wrote, "As evolution is a hit and miss affair, there should be more misses in the fossil record than hits, but we can't find them." This statement was not a hit with his fellow scientists.

In my interview with him he said, "I wish the other scientists who agree with us would develop backbones and join us."

He revealed that this secret society dress up in black cloaks with pointy hoods. The leader has "RD" printed on his breast, and everyone submits to his authority.

Madd claims that this society knows full well that the whole evolution thing is hogwash, but it has become a golden egg-laying goose. Highly paid careers are built on this myth.

"Don't get me wrong," Madd said, "I would love evolution to be correct. I would also love it if I could just chuck a bunch of components into a box and get the next generation of super-computers, but it ain't gonna happen."

At the moment Madd is undergoing plastic surgery so that he can be relocated by the MI5 scientist protection program.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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