In a shocking but awe-inspiring turn of events, two seemingly intractable enemies, Nature and the vacuum, have finally made peace.
It has long been known that "Nature abhors a vacuum." And indeed, scientists and theologians alike had considered this precept virtually a physical law, comparable to that of gravity. For this reason, intellects and philosophers worldwide are still speechless at the apparent camaraderie that now exists between the two.
Perhaps even more startling is that it was the vacuum, not the heretofore resolutely hateful Nature, that made the first move toward armistice.
"I never had anything against Nature," the vacuum explained. "And I had nothing to be ashamed of, either. I wasn't apologizing to Nature, or approaching Nature from a position of obsequiousness or weakness. I simply thought all this hatred was silly. I abhorred what Nature was doing to herself by sustaining this chronic bitterness. But I never abhorred Nature herself."
Sources close to Nature report that Nature, on her part, was surprisingly receptive to the vacuum's overture.
"Many people tried to warn us that the vacuum could make only empty promises," said Nature. "But I could sense its sincerity. At the risk of sounding sensational, I could feel the love. And that love changed me."
At that, Nature paused to reconsider her phrasing.
"Or maybe," she mused, "the vacuum's open-heartedness simply brought out who I was all along. I think that's what actually happened. I realized it's not in Nature's nature to hate."
The steadfast union that now exists between Nature and the vacuum has had an almost incredible impact on relations between other seemingly hopeless adversaries, including Israel and Palestine.
Says Mahmoud Abbas, chairman of the Palestine Liberation Organization (PLO), "I have a lot to think about. If the vacuum could be willing to forgive the abhorrent Nature and reach out with love - maybe, someday, we Palestinians can do that as well."
When asked to comment on the Palestinian leader's remark, Israel's Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, responded, "Nature always wins out in the end. And unlike Nature, it is in Israel's nature to hate." At that, Netanyahu's expression turned pensive. "Or is it? I guess I have a lot to think about, too."