Written by Gail Farrelly
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Topics: NASA, Mars

Friday, 20 April 2012

image for NASA Asks Americans for Mars Mission Ideas; Martians Respond
Visits to the Red Planet may produce plenty of green. Big bucks!

Ask and you shall receive. But NASA is receiving more than it asked for when it requested that Americans come up with suggestions for future trips to Mars.

Not only is it hearing from Americans. It's also receiving input from Martians! And, unfortunately, the latter is quite negative.

First up, ideas from Americans. For the most part, ideas of the commercial, fund-raising variety: monetary sponsorship for forays to Mars to be sought from Mars, Inc., the manufacturers of Mars chocolate bars and Milky Ways; concerts in Mars venues by spacey folks such as Lady Gaga and Nicki Minaj; and hawking of Star Trek and Star Wars DVDs to Martians.

As for input from Martians, it was discovered that the Mars invasion project is inducing panic and fear in Martians. Many of them reportedly ordered huge "Keep Out" signs for their yards. Other yard signs they ordered had similar messages, such as:

No Loitering
Pit Bull on Premises
Private Property
Go Away
Get Lost

In addition, NASA was flooded with text messages from Martians. A few of the messages:

Red planet is ours 4EVA
10q 4 staying home
This land is R land
B4 U come pls W8 2B invited
OMG we R outta here

Hmmm. Seems like Martians are unimpressed with Earthlings. Maybe William S. Burroughs was right when he said about earth, "After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say I want to see the manager."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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