Written by IainB
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Wednesday, 11 April 2012

image for Prenatal Brain Training? There's an app for that
If you think you may be pregnant, giving birth is normally a positive sign.

Parents want their children to grow up super intelligent, despite the bullying that will ensue at school. Although there is no scientific evidence that brain training games allow people to be better at anything other than brain training games, it is now possible to begin brain training whilst still in the womb!

From the French Applelet design company Le App, comes iVitro.

"The mother rests the iPhone face down on the tummy," said App World! editor Mac Buck. "Or the father, if he's pregnant, I suppose."

The app goes through a series of games that can be activated by kicks and punches through the womb wall, being rewarded by happy sounds and music when they get it right. Research at the Neonatal Research Institute in Paris has shown that using the applelet produces smarter babies who learn to walk faster, learn to speak faster and can play a piano concerto by the age of four (*78% of parents agree there is a noticeable improvement in babies in a sample of four).

"Unfortunately," said Buck, "Our researcher, Daphne, has already given birth. To a baby girl. She's on maternity leave at the moment so we can't get her pregnant again to try it out. Being the dedicated researcher I am, I have approached several pregnant women with iPhones and asked them to take part in a trial. Only one of them was fat not pregnant, but she was upset enough to punch me. Oh, and one was a man, and not pregnant at all. He gave me the other black eye."

It takes a foetus several random movements before they make the connection between their kicks and the happy noises. Once they do, their movements start to become more coordinated. This leads to connections already being in place when the baby is born.

"None of the babies have been born yet," said Buck. "One is now four weeks overdue, and seemingly having too much fun with the app to want to come out. As soon as they're out, we'll see if they can walk, talk or do a ten thousand piece jigsaw puzzle."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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