London, England-- A colony of bats nesting near the Thames River has British scientists in an uproar this evening. The female bats are sporting big bosoms, much like female humans. No one seems to know why the bats are so blessed with big boobs, and boffins in Britain are both bemused and baffled.
Like all mammals, bats nurse their young with milk from their nipples. What is unusual about the British bats boobs is their size and shape. The strange bats have attracted much attention--especially from American tourists.
"Look at that bat--it looks just like Liz Hurley!" shouted a male tourist as he snapped a few photos.
"Look at that one! It has conical boobs like Madonna!" shouted another excited male tourist.
Bat boffins believe that biochemicals such as benzofluorene polluting the Thames have mutated the bats.
"Believe me, it's bizarre." said famed British bat boffin Bruce Booby. "We don't really know why they are so bosomy, but it is bemusing!"