Written by Chrissy Benson
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Friday, 6 April 2012

image for Obama Announces Initiative to Find Divisibility Test for 7
According to Obama, America is behind the 8-ball in finding a 7-divisibility test.

President Obama announced that for the remainder of his presidential term, his administration's primary security initiative will be to find a divisibility test for the number 7.

"A divisibility test for 7 has been a sort of Holy Grail, eluding us for centuries," said the President. "It's time to make it a priority, because it's key to keeping our nation secure and mathematically competitive."

Obama further stated that the U.S will not stop at finding merely one divisibility test for the number 7, as finding three or more divisibility tests could boost national security exponentially.

Vice President Joe Biden echoed the President's commitment to finding a divisibility test for 7 and also discussed his own personal reasons for seeking such a test.

"I always think 41's divisible by 7, but it's not - that's 49. To have a ready way of confirming that on a daily basis would eliminate a lot of headaches for all of us."

Adding to the compelling nature of finding a divisibility test for the number 7, says Obama, is that intelligence from the National Security Agency seems to suggest that Iran could be on the verge of creating a 7-divisibility test within the next 800 years. It is, of course, commonly known that Pakistan and North Korea have been conducting 7-divisibility tests for at least the past six years.

"We can't allow other countries, especially Iran, to get to this test before we do," said the President. "At this point, I'm not willing to take any option off the table to prevent that from happening."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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