Written by David Grant
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Saturday, 31 March 2012

image for Paranoia Epidemic: This Concerns You
Paranoia treatment: Cold Shower Therapy

Brain scientists estimate that 25 percent of the US population suffer from paranoia. The condition has become widespread due to various causal factors that include mind altering drugs, tracking cookies on computers and even films like The Truman Show.

The experts say that the feelings of persecution that many people suffer from are totally unfounded. For example, when we surf the web, very often we seem to be followed on the internet by advertisements featuring the sites we have visited. This does not mean that companies are out to get us, all they want is our money.

A common paranoid fear is that of being followed by a secret government agency. When some individuals see a parked van they immediately assume that there are operatives inside the vehicle observing their every move on banks of computers, using electronic spy equipment. This is ridiculous because as a professor explained to me, equipment is so small nowadays that you are more likely to be observed from an ordinary unmarked car, and never know it.

Another way in which this condition manifests itself in some individuals, is through a false belief that what they see and hear on various media is addressed to them personally. Therefore, if you ever get this type of feeling, yes, you with that cup of coffee in your hand, then please do not hesitate to seek medical advice.

Professor Mengele says, "We have had great success with a treatment that utilizes low temperature procedures."

He finished the interview by saying that because 25 percent suffer from paranoia, it is impossible that everyone can be out to get you, and that the figure must be closer to only 75 percent of the population.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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