Written by Steve Shaw
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Topics: Scientists, Doctors

Thursday, 6 November 2003

ATLANTA-Doctors and computer scientists confirmed today that a Georgia man's copy of Windows XP did in fact contract the AIDS Virus.

"It shouldn't really be that surprising," says Adam Winslow, a resident doctor at Atlanta Memorial Hospital, "I've seen a lot of cases concerning Windows and let me tell you, there aren't many viruses this thing can't catch. It's pretty susceptible."

Computer scientists hypothesized on how the server managed to contract the virus, one of the suggestions being common e-mail, although contraction through the simple act of sending a message seemed rather unlikely.

"We're fairly sure this must have happened by the more serious act of swapping files with an anonymous computer," said Richard Ashton. "In this day and age, it's common for some systems to link anonymously and share files as many as four or five times a day. At this rate, it's not surprising that a case like this has come up. Frankly," he added, "I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner.

"As far as we know, Windows is the only system through which AIDS can travel," said Ashton. "And there are steps you can take to swap files safely. First, don't swap with anonymous systems. It may seem fun, but when your monitor starts looking a sickish green color in the morning, the fun is over.

"Also, refrain from casual swapping. Swap only with very trusted systems, and don't take it lightly-remember, there is no such thing as casual swapping. Of course," he added, "none of these measures are fool-proof. Contraction of viruses can occur no matter what precautions you may take.

"The only sure fire way to keep your system virus free is to abstain from swapping completely."

The owner of the infected computer denies anonymously swapping, but sources told The Spoof the man was well known as an 'easy swap,' many times paying to swap with systems he didn't know, and even partaking in 'group swap sessions' from time to time.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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