Written by Chrissy Benson
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Wednesday, 28 March 2012

image for New Life-Essential Vitamin Discovered - Vitamin Q, Found Only in Water Chestnuts
Broccoli has been stripped of its "Super Food" status, as it contains virtually NO vitamin Q.

Scientists have discovered a previously unknown and highly essential vitamin, vitamin Q, which is reportedly found only in water chestnuts.

"Vitamin Q is absolutely and utterly vital to life," stated nutritional expert Dr. Anders Chase in a presentation before the Food and Drug Administration. "We can't live without it, and Americans who haven't been getting enough - which appears to be virtually everyone - will most likely die within 14 to 16 days unless they at least triple and ideally quadruple their vitamin Q levels. Make no mistake: this is a national medical crisis."

Indeed, vitamin Q may be what's kept 42-year-old South Carolina man Trip Bartlett alive this long.

"I don't eat that great," Bartlett admitted. "My doctor tells me my heart's in bad shape, my blood pressure's through the roof, and I could drop dead pretty much any day. I'm also at risk for Type 3 diabetes, which as I understand it is even more dangerous than Type 1 or 2. But one of the few positive things me and my wife do for ourselves is get Chinese takeout at least a couple times a week. And I generally get the pork lo mein, which has like a ton of water chestnuts in it. Thank God I've been getting something my body really needs. It probably saved my life."

He added, "We're not going to stop eating Chinese, that's for sure. If anything, we'll eat more of it."

In the wake of Dr. Chase's announcement has been a flurry of new food products containing vitamin Q, most notably water chestnut water, a liquid derived from water chestnuts and fortified with additional vitamin Q. The only down side of water chestnut water is its mild diuretic effect, which can result in the body's releasing of even more vitamin Q than that contained in the water itself, thereby operating to decrease overall vitamin Q levels.

The bottom line: do incorporate water chestnut water into your hydration routine, but make sure to supplement with actual water chestnuts as well as vitamin Q tablets, once they become available on the commercial market.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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