Written by Gary Potter
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Wednesday, 28 March 2012

image for Evolution riddle finally not solved exclusive!
Larry want's to escape with his bananas, so genetically mutates to stand on 2 legs. Only in Hogwarts

The riddle of how our ancestors 'evolved' from moving on all fours to being bipedal has at last not been answered.

A recent study, where 'evolution scientits' (not a spelling mistake)spent 14 months on holiday in Guinea, West Africa concluded that it was easier for chimps to snatch food and make off with it on two legs quicker than trying to clamber on all fours.

We consulted our resident genuine scientist to assess this breakthrough "I really am getting ****ed of with this ******* evolution twaddle. Firstly can I just mention, even evolution high priest Reverand Richard Dawkins will tell you that humans did not 'evolve' or magic from chimps, he pretends we were cousins, so looking at chimp behaviour has very little to do with the issue.

The crux of the matter is this. It is impossible for a chimp, or any other species, to develop such a physiological change by desire. The magic of evolution supposedly happens through random mutations in genes only, that is the only way genetic information can be passed on. If a lucky chimp somehow did have mutations that enabled him/her to stand up on two legs (which is mathematically improbable) he/she would then need to have passed this marvellous trait on via genetic transfer, whilst at the same time, remaining a physically fit and breedable chimp to reproduce. We know from experimental real scientific research that mutations always compromise an organism causing such less beneficial mutations such as cancer and sickle cell anemia. The latest 'research' simply recycles an old fable, it does absolutely nothing to explain how such a fundamental change could ever happen in the real world."

We tried to contact evolution fundamentalist Richard Dawkins for his view, but he was sitting in his garden hoping that evolution would weave a magical spell and make his thing bigger. By thing of course I refer to his nose.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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