Written by IainB
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Monday, 19 March 2012

image for Homoeopathic paint cures colour blindness
just some of the colours the homoeopathic paint comes in

Pseudo Sciences have developed a new formulation paint that has been shown in clinical trials to cure colour blindness.

The new paint, available in any colour, is used like ordinary paint and comes in both matt and gloss.

"We take common dyes and mix them into the homoeopathic paint complex," said Pseudo Science chief technical director, Robin Cash. "This complex allows the colour to be released in homoeopathic quantities into the ambiance. The more light the paint is exposed to, the more effective it is."

The colour of the paint complies with traditional homoeopathy, with minute quantities of dye added to ordinary white paint. It is then diluted, shaken and diluted again, up to a hundred times until scientifically speaking, there is no dye left in any of the tins sold.

"A lot of our customers have said that all the paint we sell looks white," said Cash. "But it is not, it is red, green, blue, any colour we mix really."

When used in the home of a colour blind person, the homoeopathic paint rectifies the colour receptors of any colour blind home owners. In tests involving fifteen colour blind people, five of whom used white paint, five used non-homoeopathic paint and five used the new paint, all fifteen discovered that their colour blindness was cured.

"It is a technological revolution," said Cash. "Even when non-homoeopathic paint is used to test the homoeopathic paint, the colour blindness is cured."

Given the hundred percent success rate, Pseudo Science believe that they can retail the paint at a mere fifty pounds a litre.

"For people who no longer wish to be handicapped by anomalous trichromacy we believe the price tag is a small price to pay," said Cash.

Pseudo Science are investigating the efficacy of their paint at curing malignant melanoma next.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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