Written by Ferrer
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Friday, 17 March 2006

image for Microsoft Pours Water On $100 PC - Creates Unrest
Shocked Conference Members React in Fear

WASHINGTON DC (Reuters) -- Microsoft and government employees attending the Government Leaders Forum thursday reacted in fear when their boss Bill Gates, the world's richest man ridiculed MIT's efforts to build a $100 laptop for developing countries, touting instead the software giant's vision of more expensive ultra-mobile personal computers he uses to keep his employees chained to their desks.

"If you are going to go have 30 children share the same computer in poor villages in India, get a broadband connection for Christ's sakes, and have somebody there who can help support the user, geez, get a decent computer where you can actually read the text and you're not sitting there cranking the thing while you're trying to type," Mr. Gates was quoted as saying. "I think we need at least a hybrid laptop with a overclocked PC and a new power source. Its'"what we really need," said Gates, "but I hear bubble fusion has hit a few bumps lately."

Microsoft employees reacted to these remarks in horror. "I never really knew how evil Bill was until this moment," said one female Microsoft employee who was standing in the back of the room with a laptop chain attached to her waist. "Radioactive PCs?", "Its amazing how a person changes when they come to Washington. I've now seen it with my own eyes!" whispered one man"

Gates continued, "I also think we Americans should support charities like 'Room to Read' where developing nations build their own libraries via public donations and they are furnished with books & easy to use PCs and software. This makes better sense than a cheap $100 PC ruining children's eyes and wrists and limiting their exploration."

Some of the low-cost PC like devices are expected to include a hand-cranked generator like some radios so that they can be charged-up in developing countries where batteries or electricity are not very reliable or easy to find. These generators are expected to yield about 12 minutes of computer time for each minute of hand cranking.

"Lets be realistic folks, we live in the 21st century now, do we want children getting carple tunnels syndrome while they surf the web? he added". "What kind of a high tech future is that?" One audience member with a British accent then yelled from the back of the room "Yah, hopefully not as much carpel tunnels as I get from your Microsoft ergonomic keyboards!". "You're nutts! " yelled another software developer from Google.

Security guards then restrained and escorted one cantankerous audience member out of the room who was wearing a Red Hat Linux T-shirt, while Gates continued with only a brief pause in his speech. It later turned out she was a Microsoft employee hired by MIT and Nature magazine to disrupt the conference and spread fear.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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