Written by susan allen-rosario
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Topics: Poo, Bears, wood

Tuesday, 13 March 2012

image for Scientific Study; Does a bear shit in the woods?
"Does a bear shit in the woods?"

From the same scientist that gave us the study "Is a frog's ass water tight?" We have a new study of a common American cliché, Does a bear shit in the woods?

"My dad was always making these comments that made me wonder if there was any truth to their origins. I am pretty sure that most of them were his way of asking me, what do you think, dumb ass? But I can't help wondering where they came from."

After receiving a government grant from the Dept. of Poo Studies, our scientist began his extensive interviews with local bears.

"I knew if I wanted the truth I needed to go to the source of the cliché, the bears. Several celebrity bears were willing to confront the subject from the rear, so to speak. Here are their comments."

From Smokey the Bear: "Shit is natural and perfectly biodegradable but, let's face it, no one wants to step in it. I carry a poop scoop with me when I go into the woods so I can flick it into the brush."

Fozzie Bear: "They built me without a rectum so I can't shit anywhere.I'm in a state of perpetual constipation."

Winnie-the-Pooh, "They call me pooh for a reason. I don't have to shit in the woods 'cause there's always room in my honey pot!"

Little Bear: "I can shit where ever I want as long as I'm wearing my nappies!"

Rupert Bear: "Don't be impertinent! I am quite capable of finding and using the facilities. What a crude little man you are!"

Sugar Bear: "No shit, Sherlock, just sugar."

Panda Bear: "Things are pretty black and white for me. If you are in the woods, and you need to take a shit just do it."

So what did I learn from all my studies? One: some bears do and some bears don't and two: maybe my dad was right,I'm a dumb ass.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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