Written by queen mudder
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Monday, 12 March 2012

image for Planets forming extremely rare Grand Trine, send punters bonkers in Cheltenham betting frenzy
A superb Jupiter/Venus conjunction

Gloucestershire - Expect a massive gambling splurge bookies have been told as the zodiac's high-rolling planets of supreme good fortune align for Cheltenham Week.

A magnificent starry display in Earth signs of Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn is the first for over 300 years astrologically aligned betting website Aintgottaprayer.con confirmed this morning.

"It could send the punters mental," website moderator Dave Mug-Punta commented as equine soothsayers predicted a superb week for backing favorites.

The cause of all this excitement is a conjunction of the zodiac's brightest sparklers - Greater and Lesser Benefics Jupiter and Venus at 9 degrees Taurus, legendary sign of the Bull*****er.

The alignment will be highly visible in the Southern skies from sunset midweek and forms harmonious 120-degree angles to Mars in Virgo and Pluto in Capricorn.

The resulting Grand Trine is astrology's ultimate formation and the building block of gambling fantasies since the year dot.

"Could also be an interesting week for Rebekah Brooks' bareback riding ambitions, heheh," Mug-Punta added helpfully just as the furor about the Met police horse saga began fading from media coverage," makes you wonder if 'writ in the stars' really means 'astrological gagging injunction!

"Wanna see pix of her and Big Dave Cameron literally leaping over hacking hurdles like, er, Glen Mulcaire's phone records?"

Hmmm. Probably not.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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