Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Cats, maine coon

Friday, 24 February 2012

image for Maine Coons: lactose intolerance or congential promiscuity?
This Maine Coon/Lemur cross is native to Barking

London - A TV vet has advised owners of the giant American kitties that giving them cows' milk 'makes them loose'.

Viewers were left reeling with confusion as footage was played of a pedigree tortoiseshell female Maine Coon schmoozing a scrawny itinerant tom for a quickie behind some Barking potting sheds.

Celeb veterinary Russell Beeva said such behavior is typical of these felines 'especially if they're gee'd up by some tasty tidbits'.

"Makes the queens ravenous for a bit of rough," he told viewers on breakfast television.

The videoed encounter took place after the very briefest of introductions saw Isle of Dogs resident Mrs Nora Moggs' (no relation) pet Mollie let loose the full gamut of her insatiable libido on Spike, an pikey scruffball once resident at Dale Farm.

Two minutes later the male cat was seen limp with exhaustion as Mollie strolled off, imperiously flicking her splendid brush-like tail in the direction of a neighbors' rabbit hutch.

Locals reckon No 59's lop eared rabbit's mystery heart attack last October was caused by interference from a rapacious queen.

"Nah, that story's total bollox," Mrs Moggs tweeted earlier this afternoon.

"Besides, it wasn't my puss that shagged Fluff to death, it was that neutered gerbil from across the road who's been pumped up on steroids on account of psoriasis."

No 86's neutered iguana may also be a suspect.

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