"How did an idiot like you beat 25 million others to the egg?" asks stunned scientist.
Stanford University-New research from Stanford shows that during your time as a sperm, you must have cheated somehow in the race to the egg.
"Our thorough study shows it shouldn't be statistically possible for someone like you to make it to the ovum, beating out many potentially productive members of society," explains Tom Henderson, head of the Genetics Department at Stanford University. "It also poses an open-ended question: what could somebody else have done if they were you? Perhaps find a cure for cancer, or a more energy efficient blender. Perhaps a better Lay-Z-Boy. We really don't know what they would have done, but what we do know is that they sure as hell would have done better than your sorry ass."