Written by Gary Potter
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Tuesday, 14 February 2012

image for Shove that in your hydrothermal vent!
Did life start all by itself in a pool? Of course not.

Evolution buffs are today mourning the death of the fabled 'hydrothermal vent' theory for the origins of life. It was mused among eccentrics that somehow, life began in these mystical vents all by itself, millions of years ago.

However, Professor Dr Armen Mulkidjanian says that theory is a pack of lies. He and his team have concluded that the high concentration of salt would prevent 'fatty acid based membranes' from making themselves.

Instead, the 'professor' says that freshwater puddles, fed by geysers, are more likely to produce life from non life.

We contacted a real scientist to check out this notion. "Yes it is true that the scientific evidence that hydrothermal vents produce life from non life is a resounding zero. What the 'professor' has failed to mention in this latest flummery is how lifeless minerals and such magically become living in puddles. Since the 50s, crackpots have tried to create life from nonlife, and have at best produced toxic goo. At least we can dispel one myth now."

We also tried to contact Richard Dawkins. Unfortunately he was in round the clock training for his forthcoming 'debate' with the archbishop (having shied away from William Lane Craig). However Dawkins is on record as believing that life came from outer space, having grasped the basic impossibility that life cannot originate from nonlife.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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