Reported this week in a new medical study, there is a terrifying rise in rectal explosions among aging members of the baby boomer population. Younger generation X and Y citizens are beginning to wonder if they might be next.
Dr. Andy Fluscht, researcher for the Baker, Upton, Tilley independent medical board, published his White Paper after two of his uncles over the age of 65 had experienced the sake horrific condition. "It was as if the pressure in their bowels suddenly increased and then blew a significant portion of their rectums and gluteus-maximus away", says Fluscht.
Fluscht's B.U.T. White Paper discloses a number of concerning trends in dietary impact years after foods are consumed. "All the processed food, chemicals and preservatives made available to Baby Boomers throughout their lifetimes, never left their digestive systems", says Fluscht. Citing cellular wall analysis from the large intestine, Fluscht showed how the digestive tract had converted itself over time, to be an effective processor of organic material into gas.
"The walls of the large intestine at some point, turn into one highly efficient organic gas producer. Once the gas production kicks in, there's no stopping that explosive chain of events", says Fluscht.
Younger generations are equally concerned, having consumed more of those same chemical compounds than their predecessors. Generation X people in their 40's and 50's are beginning to call for new fields of study in college to help divert their same potential fate. "I certainly don't want my arse to explode", says 47 year old automotive engineer, Hugh Schmeldett. It may be up to the scientists in Generation Y to solve the burgeoning and disgusting problem.
"If it was only a gas problem", says Schmelditt. "I saw it happen to my aunt over the holidays. What a mess. Corn and sticky bits of arse everywhere. In sort, it disaster".