Written by Johnny Moodis
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Tuesday, 4 November 2003

image for Scientists: Botox Makes Your Face Explode
Goldie Hawn is afraid of the impact facial explosion will have on her career.

Los Angeles - The cosmetic surgery world was rocked on Monday when it was revealed that botox injections explode after three years of being in the human body.

"All of my patients from 2000, when I first began my botox procedures, have suffered facial explosions," said Dr. Martin Lawrenceberg of the California Vanity Clinic.

Traditional botox methods involve an injection of botulism into the skin to smooth out wrinkled areas. The procedure has become very popular with Hollywood actresses, metrosexual men, rich trophy wives and the like. But a recent rash of facial explosions, a violent rejection of the botulism cells by the body, has put the botox industry in jeopardy.

"Apparently, injecting a deadly toxin into the skin was a bad idea," said Dr. Will Money, CEO of Botoxronchemglobe.

According to Dr. Money, eighty-six percent of the facial explosion cases were fatal. The remaining fourteen percent were left in critical condition, with just a few strands of muscle attached to the skull.

"These poor people aren't going to win any beauty contests," said Deion Sanders, former NFL star.

Unfortunately for the victims, there is no reversing the procedure, as once the toxins enter the skin they become part of the facial structure. Sadly, more than half of Hollywood is doomed. In recent months we have lost starlets Sophia Loren, Melanie Griffith and Justin Timberlake to botox facial explosions.

"But I don't want my face to explode," said Goldie Hawn, "I'm supposed to start filming 'Bird on a Wire 2' this summer!"

While we may have seen the end of the botox trend, another risky, incredibly stupid cosmetic procedure is sure to follow.

"There is something to be said for growing old gracefully," said Gary Dingle, a 73-year-old man who sits in front of the Gas N' Go in a lawn chair, "I may be old and ugly, but at least my face isn't going to explode ... at least, I don't think it will ..."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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