Written by Igor
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Topics: Scientists, Cloning

Tuesday, 11 October 2005

image for Scientists invent Dogcat
Butchkins, half Chihuahua half Siamese

Scientists at the Roslin Instiute in Edinburgh have unleashed their latest cloning experiment, The Dogcat.

By combining the DNA of Cats with Dogs, the institute has created an entirely new species of Mammal, belonging to both the Cat and Dog families.

Dr Pringle Mason, a Genetic Chef at the Roslin Institue unveiled the experimental creature on Monday, which he calls "Butchkins".

"By combining genetic traits from both cats and dogs, we believe we have created the ultimate household pet."

The Dogcat will be fiercely independent but will feel an uncontrollable urge to form packs. It will also eat a mixture of rabbits and sparrows, often burying food in the garden, alongside its own faeces.

Dogcats also love milk but often throw this up as they are lactose intolerant.

The Dogcat has a love/hate relationship with water, hating water but loving to be wet. The animal will also purr and wag its tail when happy and wag its tail and quietly growl when unhappy, making it very difficult to interpret.

They are of average intelligence and love to play, although not with humans, they may beg for food but often feel a very low sense of self-esteem for doing so and as such, can be prone to depression.

They have an incredibly inflated sense of prowess and will attempt to tackle very thin ledges and large jumps with extreme confidence, however, their balance is appalling and they will frequently fall or slip causing damage to property.

The Dogcat will also draw a strong bond with it's owners whilst they are in the house. It will not accept anyone else in the house, nor will it be comfortable with its owners in any other location.

Dogcats will hiss at dogs and sniff cats rectums.

The Dogcat will sniff other Dogcats behinds and often lick them clean due to its overwhelming sense of cleanliness coupled with complete lack of dignity.

Dogcats will launch on the market in time for next Christmas, Dr Mason has urged consumers to be aware that each Dogcat essentially has an inner conflict, and depending on how this conflict is resolved within the animal, it may sway more towards the Dog or Cat family.

"For example, the Dogcat either loves getting its tummy rubbed, rolling over and obliging you or it will take your face off."

The Dogcat will not tolerate being put on a lead but has an extremely poor sense of direction and often bolts for several hundred metres with no idea where it is going or how to get back for this reason, they must be kept indoors, Dr Mason explains: "They can only be allowed out in cars, but even then, only sometimes, and not with the windows down, ever.... unless you're absolutely sure..... I mean, you just can't tell..."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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