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Friday, 13 January 2012

image for New smartphone "app" an instant success with the undead
Alas, poor Yorick missed downloading the new phone application

A new application has been launched today aimed specifically at both the undead and the walking dead - the ghouls, ghosts, vampires, zombies and Big Brother contestants of this world.

Called "Coffin Better", the application will instantly tells the user - providing, of course, their fingers don't drop off while tapping on their phones - vital information such as how much night is left before sunlight, the distance to their graves from their current position, any solid silver objects or stakes likely to impede their way and when the premium rate voting lines close on X-Factor - plus much more.

Speaking from his crypt in Golders Green Cemetry, the late Bram Stoker said that the "app" would be invaluable for his undead friends and colleagues.

He went on to explain that the pitfalls of being undead in current times were far more than those in the Victorian days, and that the undead were under threat much more than their ancestors ever were.

Only the other day, for example, Mr Stoker had heard of Dracula being hounded almost out of existence by a group of One Direction fans.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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