Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Thursday, 12 January 2012

image for NASA Boffins Tell Optimistic Inventor To Put Device "Where The Sun Don't Shine"
Sid's Scrubber heads off for work (artist's impression).

Local inventor, Sid Shelf, is looking forward to fame and fortune following a meeting to discuss his latest device with space boffins in California.

As we reported yesterday, Mr Shelf took his "Space Scrubber" to show NASA scientists at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in the hope that the invention would help to clean up the mess in near-earth orbit.

"There's all sorts of nasty stuff up there, including human excrement, and no-one wants their front yard full of that crap, do they? What will the neighbours think?"

Mr Shelf claims his simple device, a couple of Hoovers wired together with a power source, just needs to be put into orbit to start cleaning up.

"I reckon the boys and girls at the JPL were impressed," he said on his return to his garden shed workshop in Mafeking Road. "They told me to put the Scrubber where the sun don't shine. I guess by that they mean that it needs to placed in an orbit that keeps it out of direct sunlight.

"That makes sense - they're a clever bunch over there, after all. They understand that we don't want people to see the clean-up operation in progress.

"So I'm just waiting to hear how many Scrubbers they want and then when they're going to launch them. Very exciting!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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