Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Wednesday, 11 January 2012

image for NASA Offered Local Inventor's 'Space Scrubber'
Front yard needs a clean-up.

A local inventor is set to make a fortune by selling his latest device to US space agency, NASA.

Sid Shelf believes his invention is just what NASA needs to clean up the mess that has been created in near-Earth orbit by the various space programmes since the 1950s.

"There's all sorts of rubbish floating around up there," Mr Shelf said: "And it's getting worse all the time - the Chinese and the Indans have started going up, so it's not going to get any better.

"My Space Scrubber will clean up our front yard."

Mr Shelf reckons the time is ripe for a clean-up as space tourism is just around the corner.

"They're going to be charging people hundreds of thousands a pop for an orbit of the planet... well it's not going to be very nice if you're looking out of your porthole and a lump of human waste suddenly splats on the window, is it?"

And it's not just domestic tourism that concerns Mr Shelf.

"There are all these planets they keep discovering that can support life. Well, supposing the little green men decided to pay a visit and there are lumps of poo everywhere when they arrive.

"It'd be like going to your auntie's and stepping in some dog crap outside her front door.

"No, we have to clean up."

Now Mr Shelf hopes to meet NASA scientists next week to demonstrate his device.

"I'm taking it to the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in California. They're bound to go for it as it's so simple.

"I've wired a couple of Hoovers together with a portable power source and all they need to do is stick them on a rocket and send them up into orbit.

"Make three or four of them and Bob's your uncle!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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