The International Federation Of Dieticians today named The Pie And Pizza Diet the worst in the world - ever.
The diet, brainchild of Professor KFC McDonald of Sunderland College Of Arts And Technology was universally acknowledged as being utterly ineffective by IFOD.
"It's a stupid diet," Doctor Eddie Wareing of Halifax University told reporters. "People just don't lose weight by living on pies, pizzas, fish and chips, kebabs and burgers with cheese and fries. They just get fatter. Even moreso if they don't exercise like the clappers. Steak and kidney pies in shortcrust pastry have so many calories that they have been known to cause people's intestines to explode. Especially when combined with chips. There's no merit whatsoever in this nonsensical piece of dietetic buffoonery. It's just bloody stupid if you ask me."
However, Professor KFC McDonald slammed the findings, sticking by his original claims that a full English breakfast washed down with three pints of Guinness, a meaty feast deep pan pizza for elevenses, steak and kidney pie with chips and peas for lunch, and an evening dinner of doner kebab, large battered cod, chips, and pie and mash washed down with a further seven pints of Guinness and a bacon sandwich constitutes a winning weight loss formula.
"It's a cracking diet is this," he claimed. "It's a slimmer's dream diet, because basically you can stuff your face with all kinds of crap and still lose weight. And get slightly pissed at the same time. You can even cram in a few Mars bars if you get a bit peckish between meals."
"I've never heard such a load of old pony and trap in all me born days," countered Doctor Eddie Wareing. "This stuff is just a coronary waiting to happen, and you won't get slimmer at all. You'll be a right fat bastard. This McDonald bloke is insane in the brain, and he should be struck off the medical register. He's nothing but a disgrace to the Hippocratic oath."
"Tell him to kiss my flabby arse," Professor KFC McDonald countered.
As he dropped his guts.
More as we get it.