Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Friday, 6 January 2012

image for Mental Decline Begins As Early As 45 Says New How's-your-father
A thingy of a what-do-you-call-it.

Our brains start to deteriorate from as young as 45, according to a thingy - you know, a wossname - published yesterday... or was it the day before?

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes... this thingy, in the online version of the British Medical Journal, says that scientists previously thought there was little evidence of decline in cognitive function before the age of 65.

Researchers studied the mental abilities of, ooh, loads of... of... you know, um, those people who work for the government... oh what do you call them? Anyway them - and they were aged between 45 and 70 at the start of the ten-year study.

Apparently those aged between 45 and 49 (did I say the thingies were aged between 45 and 70? Or was it 80?) experienced a 3.6 per cent decline in cognitive ... er, you know, doofers.

Scientists believe the results join a body of evidence that suggests while dementia is associated with old age, it can take decades to develop.

So, yes. Um... now, what did I come in here for? And where are me bloody glasses?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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