Following the removal of Pluto's planet status by the International Astronomy Union in 2006, the dead orbiting body has received little respect. That is, until now. Discovered by the Hubbell telescope this past week, Pluto was found to have evidence of organic molecules on its surface.
"Hardly an asteroid or a dead rock", says NASA telescope program director Luke Upton-Thayer. "I think those IAU propeller heads are a bunch of opportunistic, headline grabbing weenies". Referring to the controversial decision made by the IAU to re-write every science text book on the face of the Earth, Upton-Thayer asserts that the down grading of Pluto was simply a publicity stunt.
"These guys are a bunch of geeks who couldn't get laid without opening their wallets first. Get your name in the paper, be controversial at Pluto's expense, hey, look at me!", says Upton-Thayer.
NASA's intentions are to release the evidence and start the push for Pluto to be elevated back to planet status. "We grew up with nine planets, we went to sleep to nine planets, we fantasized about nine planets when releasing some stress in the privacy of our own bathrooms", says Upton-Thayer. "Yes, well .perhaps that was too much information".
Hans Stubzieger from the IAU disagrees about the relevance of the recent findings. "Just because a telescope finds something that looks like a patch of dead bacteria, on a rock that happens to be circling the Sun, doesn't make it a planet". Angered over NASA's comments in the press, Stubzieger added, "And when it comes to classifying planets, WE should know. Some of us have even had girlfriends, once".
Regardless of Pluto's planet classification, the chance that life could exist on a distant orbiting body out in the cold expanse of our solar system is at the very least, news.
"But its huge news!" asserted Upton-Thayer. "OK, not huge like Saturn, but huge like Kim Kardashian's butt!"
Upton-Thayer quickly left our interview immediately after his statement saying, "Excuse me, I need to go to my private bathroom".