Written by Monochrome
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Topics: Bird Flu, Mice

Thursday, 2 February 2006

image for Mice Delighted at Bird Flu Vaccine
Doctor Von Trap

Mice researchers are said to be delighted that a vaccine has been found for bird flu.

Professor Pip Squeak of Rodent Research Labs led a team of top mouse scientists who have "Worked tirelessly" over many months.

"We tested it thoroughly on humans before we dared give it to any of our mouse volunteers. I know many mice are against human testing but we take every care to minimise suffering. Our humans are specially bred to be interfered with and I think that most of them really enjoy it. I can honestly say that all of our lab humans are treated with the utmost respect and mousity."

Protestors outside Rodent Labs remain unimpressed, their leader, Mary Cheese vowed to carry on with militant action against human experimentation and testing.
"God created all creatures equal." She insisted. "Who are we to decide that a human life is worth less than that of a mouse? This is testing is unnecessary, just because vaccine works on humans who's to say that it will work on mice? OK, they got lucky with the bird flu vaccine but how many poor humans had to die just so that we might live?"

Bird Flu is thought to be responsible for as many as 250 mouse deaths, mainly in Asia where mice live in close proximity to chickens and other birds.

The vaccine won't be immediately be available to all mice, only high ranking officials and civil servants will be vaccinated straight away, other mice will have to wait until stocks become more plentiful as production increases, but health spokes-mouse, Doctor Spring Von Trap insisted that there is no need to panic.
"There is no immediate danger to mice living in the west at present. All victims so far have been infected from direct contact with infected birds. It was the same with the SARS virus, all those mice virtually living with pigs! If everyone just takes sensible precautions, don't eat sick or dead birds which are just lying around, don't take food from birds who you don't know personally and avoid any intimate contact with birds, then we will all be fine. The infection so far has only passed from bird to mouse, the real danger will be if the flu mutates into a form which can be passed from mouse to mouse. If this happens then the whole of mouse-kind is in danger."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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