Written by IainB
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Thursday, 1 December 2011

image for Want to live forever? There's an app for that
Avoid this, use iMortal

The must have applelet that humanity has been waiting for has finally hit the iStore: iMortal.

The iMortal app will let the owner live forever.

"Astounding," said App World! editor, Mac Buck. "Amazing. Astonishing. Words cannot begin to express how important a breakthrough this applelet is."

Using harmonic quantum resonances, this app alters the amoled screen of the iPhone to improve it's tachyonic emission to provide aura soothing waves of pure energy that prevent death.

"Two thousand dollars for an app is on the steep side," said Buck. "My previous record was fifteen hundred dollars for iSink, but that turned the iPhone into an inflatable dingy if you found yourself on a sinking ship. This is vastly more important than that."

As well as the tachyonic emissions from the enriched and improved amoled screen, which still functions as a touch screen after its enrichment, the app also provides concordant uplifting sounds that calm the damaging energies in the body, as well as displaying a soothing range of colours that serve to absorb the free radicals that can cause damage, nullifying them before than can radicalise cells.

"It protects cells from being radicalised," said Buck. "That's cells in the body, not cell phones being used by terrorists."

Finally, the applelet ensures that karmic words are spoken regularly to ensure that the owners are never troubled by bad karma that can cause accidental death.

"This app is running on my spare iPhone twenty four hours a day. I plan on living forever," said Buck. "So far, so good."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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