DEAD of winter. Snow everywhere and then some. Santa Claus still recovering from his sleigh ride. Tropical depression Andrea has been upgraded to CATEGORY 1 HURRICANE STATUS. "That cannot happen" meteorologists say. "It just DID happen for crying out loud" says Senator John Kerry, blaming President Bush for globally warming up the planet to where all HECK is about to break loose.
"This would not have happened if you had voted for me folks" Kerry told reporters in an impromptu press conference going on to say,
"Volcanoes in Dallas, ice storms in Phoenix, heat waves in Anchorage, all this is about to happen thanks to George W Bush and his global warming."
Hurricane Andrea, now 280 miles off the coast of Haiti has maximum sustained winds of 80 mph and is moving in a north north easterly direction towards Cancun Mexico with a projected future path grazing the panhandle of Florida.
Florida governor Jeb Bush, watching the storm closely has asked local plywood manufacturers to bump up their production of plywood and .. more plywood. Nails too for that matter.
Scientifically impossible, winter hurricanes, hurricane Andrea somehow formed and is somehow feeding, deriving "energy" from COOL waters in the Atlantic ocean.
"Those COOL waters are about 20 degrees warmer than normal" meteorologists say. Bush's global warming, still an "open issue" is the blame according to Democrats while Republicans blame Democrats for about to cause the Earth's magnetic poles to invert and cause all of our compass's to go awry.
New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin, having learned a most valuable lesson courtesy of hurricane Katrina has already asked FEMA to send emergency Levy repairmen and extra Spam. Pat Robertson in yesterday's 700 Club broadcast also blamed President Bush for unleashing all hell on planet earth with his global warming policies and vowed to damn Bush and his entire administration TO hell on tomorrow's 700 Club check your local listings.
NASA satellites show no potential volcanoes in Dallas or any sign of an ice storm in Phoenix but do show dead-of-winter hurricane Andrea gradually strengthening, minimum internal barometric pressure down to 948 mb, maximum sustained winds, 90 mph.
"Expect scattered snow flurries with THIS one folks" the National Weather Service advises.