New York, NY-- If you're thinking of leaving Facebook--don't. Congress passed a law last week to protect Facebook, and it was signed into law by the president. Any attempt to cut off contact with the popular website will result in arrest, conviction, and eventual execution.
"Only a terrorist would leave Facebook." declared Homeland Insecurity's Janet Napolitano. "The kind of people who leave Facebook are the same kind of people who fly planes into buildings. They must be punished."
Many people want to leave Facebook because of privacy issues. No one likes being followed around the web and having all their Intenet activity monitored.
"We know all about you already." snickered Facebook founder Mark Suckerberg. "We know everything from your IQ to your penis size to your shoe size. It's fun spying on people, and then selling the information!" cackled the craven clown.
It's widely believed that Facebook works with the CIA to spy on Americans. Those who wish to leave Facebook are considered 'enemies of the state.'
"The execution method for leaving Facebook is crucifixion, so don't even think about going!" shouted Janet Napolitano. Her fat face turned a bright red with indignation.
"We are from the government and we are here to help! Resistance is futile!"