Written by Alvin Taveras
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Sunday, 23 October 2011

image for Ashton Kutcher Caught Cheating on Twitter with New Social Network Chime.In

TWITTER - It's been widely reported that Ashton Kutcher has been public in his comments about the status of truth and honest reporting from media and social media outlets. He even paints a dream when publishers were 'gatekeepers of truth.' However, he has not been honest about his relationships with newer social media outlets, namely, the one we found the above comments posted on.

On Saturday, Ashton Kutcher was spotted on the internet typing on a new found social media just revealed at the Web Summit 2.0 last week. It's called Chime.In and it's the woman this article concerns itself with.

Chime.In is more than Twitter and similar to Facebook and Google+ but nothing like MySpace. Chime.In is about subjects and the discussions it produces. It makes available chimline streams, chimes, and squirrels which is equivalent to tweets in that allows links, photos, videos, and hairspray. It is clearly more verbose than Twitter and more notes-like than Facebook. And it pays you to stick ads next to the topic discussions you create.

We reached Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg for comment on his subscriber page since he wouldn't return our calls and his page told us that Zuckerberg thinks Chime.In is crap and can't produce 800+ million members in any span of time. He also thinks Google+ is a flat-out minus.

So perhaps Ashton Kutcher thought it was more appropriate to discuss a heavy topic dear to his heart, his marital relationship, media's scrutiny over Sara Leal, and how boring Two and a Half Men is on a website that not only invites it but compensates him for the self-placed ads and the community he creates.

Either way, it's clear that Chime.In has stolen his heart and his talent away from Twitter and has deemed Twitter tweets implicitly ephemeral. It's the kind of thing Charlie Sheen would have loved to get paid for during his 'Torpedo of Truth' tour.

Twitter representatives could not be reached for comment despite how long we have been following them. Ashton, however, is hopeful that Twitter won't dump him but his Twitter followers have sadly already stopped following.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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