Written by Tommy Twinkle
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Topics: News, Propaganda

Sunday, 23 October 2011

image for Too Many TV Viewers Believe The Weather Forecasts!
Has He Been Watching Too Much Television?

Modern psychological techniques being used by mainstream media to get viewers to believe without question versions of truth convenient to the government are proving so successful that it may soon be necessary to start broadcasting the weather forecasts at least one hour after news programs.

Explains Professor Herbert Rain of the Met Office, "Unlike many foreign countries where by and large the weather follows generally consistent and easily predictable patterns, with Britain our weather is far more difficult to predict. Occasionally we do get it wrong."

"Up until a few years ago we'd perhaps forecast a heat wave for the following day only for people to wake up to see snow falling down from the sky through their windows. On seeing the snow they'd then simply abandon any plans they'd made to drive off to the beach for the day, and would perhaps instead stay indoors making sure to turn up the central heating. That is no longer what happens. Nowadays people are so convinced that the television weather forecasts must be right that they fail to see the snow falling when they look through their windows. They're blind to it because they've been programmed so deeply to believe everything they've heard on the television. So the whole family heads off in their car for the beach where they then spend the day swimming in the sea or trying to get a sun tan on the freezing cold beach wearing nothing but swimming trunks or bikinis and licking ice creams. Then they can't understand it when they finish up in hospital with hypothermia losing their fingers and toes because of frostbite."

"Even then they refuse to accept the forecast they'd heard on their televisions the day before had been wrong. They say things like, 'We must have been sunbathing in a draughty corner of the beach' or 'It must be leprosy'. Then when a doctor at the hospital tries to explain to them that the weather forecast had simply been wrong they accuse the doctor of being 'one of those conspiracy theory nutters', and they tell him he probably believes in aliens."

One of Britain's top psychiatrists, Dr Thomas Bairnbox says the problem could easily be removed by having a space of at least one hour following the mainstream media's news bulletins before broadcasting the next day's weather forecast. Dr Bairnbox explains,

"The gullible brain of the average television viewer requires at least thirty minutes in order to be able to mentally file away the propaganda they've absorbed from the news programs, place it into the brain's 'reliable information' compartment, then close that door. About one hour is enough time for most viewers to prepare a new neurological file in their brain to be opened up then used to record incoming information deemed less reliable, such as the weather forecasts."

"However there will still be around 20% of television viewers whose highly susceptible and gullible brains require more than just one hour to achieve this. For those 20% their brains sadly become overloaded when they attempt to change the files too quickly. The result is that their brains then start filing some of the unreliable weather forecast information into the file still not closed in their heads and intended for what they perceive to be 'reliable information'. That is why the next day they find it impossible to believe that it is snowing."

"Again there is a simple solution. The way to solve the problem is to ensure that an authoritative sounding statement is read out an hour after the news programs immediately before the weather forecasts are to be televised. It wouldn't need to be a lengthy statement, just a short sentence presented by a deep official sounding voice such as, 'This is an official reminder to viewers that the weather forecast following this statement is intended for entertainment purposes only and may not necessarily turn out to be correct".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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