Written by Nick Hobbs
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Topics: Fat, Earth, weight, Bottom

Sunday, 2 October 2011

image for Fat Bottomed Girls, You Really Do Make The World Go Round, Fact
An arse, yesterday. Harmless on it's own, but in groups could spell disaster for our planet.

A study by leading scientists has confirmed that fat bottomed girls really do make the world go round.

The lyrics to the popular Queen hit were always taken with a pinch of salt, rather like the fries that the name checked stars of the rock classic ate on a regular basis.

But scientists of Twatt University, Derby, have discovered a rather surprising link between the motion of the Earth and the placement of said buxom beauties.

"When fatties stand on one side of a continent," said Dr Parslow Twitter, head scientist at the University, "the orbit of the planet increases dramatically. But if a particular fat convention is held on the opposite side of a country, then the Earth spins noticeably slower on it's axis!"

Tests were conducted by placing a weight loss seminar in Norwich, and then a week later the same meeting was held in Swansea, on the opposite side of the UK.

Scientists found that when the fatties were congregated in Norwich the Earth's rotation slowed to an almost snail's pace, yet when the same meeting was being conducted in Swansea a week later the Earth began spinning faster.

Day's actually lost several minutes per second as the fatties stood and chatted about buffet's and other food related subjects in Swansea, yet a local man had his birthday celebrations delayed by an hour when they met in Norwich.

"The upshot is," said Dr. Twitter "that we can never allow meetings of more than eight obese people at any one time in a confined space. The ramifications of a congregation of any more than eight, could conceivably change the planet's course uncontrollably, and we'd just spin the planet off it's axis and, who knows, maybe in to oblivion!"

"When you add to that the possible side effects of all that pent up methane, the danger's are palpable! And God forbid should someone light a cigarette!" he finished.

You have been warned.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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