Written by Dr. Billingsgate

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Topics: Viagra, Saltpeter

Sunday, 25 September 2011

image for Saltpeter Now Used To Cure 3 Hour Erections
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SNAKE OIL JOURNAL: Although it appears that more women than men complain about three hour erections, sometimes it's better to bite the bullet, rather than call 911, if this complication from taking Viagra or Cialis befalls you.

New research published by the Boston Institute of Tumescence Equality (BITE), regarding a study of 1000 middle-aged men, concluded that the most effective cure for this affliction is the tried and true saltpeter remedy that has been used for hundreds of years to help men who have unwanted erections.

Saltpeter is the common name for the chemical compound, potassium nitrate (KNO3). Used in gunpowder, it gained a reputation over the years as being an anaphrodisiac. In fact, sailors in the British navy leapt to that conclusion when they learned that potassium nitrate was also used to preserve meat during long sailing excursions. However, it was not made clear whose meat was being preserved.

Since then the rumors grew. Boys who attended boarding schools claimed that it was being added to their mashed potatoes. The military was also suspected of adding saltpeter so that our armed forces could keep their minds on the weapons they were issued by the military; not the one issued at birth.

Up until now, these rumors were largely treated as urban myths and were laughed at by officials running boarding schools and military leaders responsible for training our troops. However, the men and women running around the Boston Institute of Tumescense Equality (BITE) in white tunics think differently.

Claiming that, "you cannot fool erectile tissue", Dr. Aimless Wiltpecker expects that his findings will stand up to scientific scrutiny. Admonishing those who wake up their physicians at all hours of the night because of three hour erections, he says, "just take a couple potassium nitrate pills and wait her out."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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