As the financial crisis continues to spread, it appears that not even the immutable laws of physics are immune from the effects. Credit rating agencies including Vibe Ratings have downgraded the speed of light from C to C-, after derivatives traders began speculating on its constantness.
The effects of the downgrade will undoubtedly be far reaching. Not only could faster-than-light travel now be feasible, but also time travel, invisibility cloaks and negative interest mortgages.
Already, scientists at CERN have begun to observe the effects in their 20km wide atom-smashing doughnut machine. A doughnut has been created which appears three seconds ahead of where it actually exists, with hilarious consequences.
CERN scientist Ethel Alcohol said, "They'll be downgrading the gravitational constant 'G' next, and then we'll really be stuck."