Local Man and Wannabe Entrepreneur, Seaton Carew, this weekend spent time waiting for murmurations in deepest rural Somerset, but unfortunately saw approximately only ten, which does not constitute a murmuration in anyone's book.
The event, which can run from Autumn to Spring, has been showcased on the popular social networking website, Ewe-Tube, but no guarantees were made on numbers involved.
Having missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime in waiting, a trip to Chile to participate in the monumental wait for the miners to find their way back to the surface, one time local man, Seaton Carew, has decided to embark on a new waiting adventure of his own.
"I was a tad peeved when that cad Skoob suggested that I could wait for the miners as the bounder didn't suggest it until after the...
Latest Thoughts From Professor Norton Folgate, the World's Leading Expert on Things in His Own Head:
My grass needs cutting regularly.
Why can't someone invent self cutting grass?
Or cannibalistic grass.
Grass that eats itself.
It would save people a lot of time and make the world a nicer place to live in. You wouldn't get all these ne'er do wells leaving their grass to get too long and all...
The Latest Thoughts from the World Renowned Professor Norton Folgate:
If someone invented an engine that ran on water, it wouldn't be as good an idea as they, or you, might think.
Yeah it would be as cheap as chips, well cheaper seeing the fucking price of chips these days; over ten bastard quid for two fish and frigging chips, but what would happen in the summer?
When we all have a hosep...
There was suddenly a hive of activity in the bar. Doormen appeared from no-where and everywhere, each one rapidly speaking into radios and rushing towards the door.
In the dark gloom, many of them tripped up and before long there was a big pile of blacksuited monkey men in the middle of the floor.
But still they appeared, and still they headed towards the front door.
From the distance, a...
Professor Norton Folgate has a theory about trees.
And, as usual, he was only too willing to share his theory with us.
As it is too much like hard work to edit what the Prof witters on about, we are, once again, printing his latest theory in full.
"Trees are everywhere.
Most people think they are wonderful things. In fact there are some who go around hugging them.
Can you believe th...
Today we have been discussing dogs with Professor Norton Folgate, and in particular how dogs communicate.
When we say "we have been discussing" what we really mean is that Professor Folgate rambled and we furiously scribbled notes.
The 'discussion' started with the Prof talking about different breeds of dogs before moving on.
As usual, what follows is the undiluted transcript of Professor...
Following on from our recent interview with Professor Norton Folgate where he revealed is theory of life, we received further correspondence from the Prof today which, whilst slightly confusing in itself, confused us as it appears to be another theory all together.
To let you decide for yourself, we are printing the correspondence below, in full.
"Two fat ladies, eighty-eight.
So is there...
It is said that the mind of World renowned physicist Norton Folgate is a wonderful place to explore and recently we had the privilege of doing just that when he agreed to a frank interview to discuss his latest theory of life.
Folgate's theory, which totally turns all other theories of life on their proverbial heads, is an interestingly one and one which, whilst at first seems totally implausib...
The waiting is finally over for local man Seaton Carew.
The man, who had been waiting for four months to have his fate decided for him, was finally given that fate at approximately half past eleven on Friday 30th July when the three sitting magistrates found him guilty and passed sentence.
The guilty verdict came as no surprise to the patient local man, as this was his plea, however the sent...
Friday 30th July 2010.
Today's the day.
Today is the day that the waiting should be over.
For Seaton Carew, today should be the day when he stops waiting and finally finds out his fate.
This morning, however, it is business as usual for the hapless hasbeen as he waits for the decision that decides his fate and puts an end to the wait that has now lasted for over three months.
They came again, not the woman from last time but a man this time.
Last time they came he was not alone but this time Seaton Carew had no one with him. No one to answer the door, no one to lie for him.
This time there was nobody.
So he waited. Waited for them to go. Waited, hiding behind the door, hoping they wouldn't spot him.
They even went to the back door, the wide open back door.
The wait was supposed to be over for local waiting man Seaton Carew last Friday when he had to wait a short wait hoping to be told his fate.
The fate for which he had to wait for so long.
But instead he spent the morning waiting.
He woke before the alarm and then waited for the alarm to sound. As always, he pressed the snooze button and waited again for the alarm. Once it had buzzed for a...
With only one more night to endure before his fate may or may not be decided, Seaton Carew nervously led in his bed attempting sleep.
It may be tomorrow, it may be in three weeks, but the answer must surely come soon.
There was a close shave two days ago when there was a knock at the door and Carew, 41 at the end of the month, was forced to flee and hide behind his kitchen cupboards but he m...
With less than a week to go, four and a bit days to be slightly more accurate, the wait may soon be over for local man Seaton Carew.
With the day of reckoning due to take place this coming Friday, Carew should have to wait no longer to learn his fate, but since his change of mind recently things have been slightly clouded.
The two who saw at the time of the event no longer have to wait to a...
With Seventeen Days To Go, the countdown continues for local man, Seaton Carew.
Still waiting for the inevitable, Carew, 41, may have to wait a little less time if his pleas do not fall on waiting deaf ears.
Guilty of a plea change, his plea to wait less could result in a different outcome, but he will have to wait to see whether the outcome will change.
Wait for the contact fro...
The waiting is all over.
It hasn't finished, it's everywhere.
Twenty five days to go and one would think it would get easier as each day passes, but it gets harder.
Banned from his own home, Seaton Carew is now living the life of a fugitive, but in his own home.
Carew, 41, has decided to risk the wrath of those who make him wait, but now as he sits in his chair, in a house where he kno...
Waiting, is it worth the wait?
Seaton Carew, a man who lives locally, has appeared in the news several times after being forced to wait.
He now is enduring the possibly second longest wait of his exsistence, the first longest wait may become apparent when the current wait has finished.
Due to circumstances now beyond his control, but initially within his control before he lost control, Ca...
Seaton Carew, famous local man and failing entrepreneur, has agreed to give The Spoof! a sometimes fascinating insight to his daily life, his friendships and his colourful background.
We met with Mr Carew (age indeterminable) on the set of a new period drama series being filmed in the small Somerset town of Shepton Mallet as he tried to wheedle his way onto the camera at every opportunity.
When you give up smoking, all your senses crave Actimel, the over advertised wonder drink that does everything.
However, wearing the new Actimel Invisible Patch (that even you can't see) actually does nothing.
That's a lie. The Invisible Actimel Nicotine Patch actually impregnates your skin with four times the nicotine you would ingest from a normal Camel cigarette.
The cost of this incre...
Norton Folgate strode confidently, some may say arrogantly, into town as the midday sun burned down from the clear blue sky, his Top Hat perched at a jaunty angle on his head.
He didn't care if people thought him arrogant, he was confident of that.
There seemed to be a kind of hush all over the town tonight, a strange kind of hush and one that Norton Folgate couldn't quite put his arrogant con...
Dot dot dot dash dot dash dot dot dot dot dash dot dash dot dot dot dot dot dash dot dot dot / dash dash dash dash dash dot dot dot dash dash dot dash dash / dot dot dash dot dash dash dash dot dash dot dash dash dot dot dash dot dash dot dot dot dash dash dot dash dot dot / dot dash / dash dash dash dash dot dash dash dot / dot dot dot dot dash dot dash dot dot dash dot...