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Funny story: Etiquette of Sneezing

Etiquette of Sneezing

When somebody sneezes, it is polite to respond with "Bless You". What do you do if they continue to sneeze, though? This handy guide will guide you through the minefield that is the Etiquette of Sneezing. For the first sneeze, respond with the traditional "Bless You", even if neither you nor the person sneezing has any religious inclination. The response no longer has any religious overtones...
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Funny story: What went on in Home Ec?

What went on in Home Ec?

Boys who went to a mixed school will remember Home Economics, or Home Ec as it was affectionately known. This was a lesson solely for girls. Many were the stories that abounded about what went on in Home Ec. So what did girls learn in that lesson explicitly for them? In a rather sexist way, the main topic in Home Ec was cooking and looking after a home with skills such as ironing and rep...
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Funny story: TV Schedules from the Middle Ages

TV Schedules from the Middle Ages

A recent copy of Ye Olde TV Timef was found in a box in an attic in Basingstoke, and it revealed that the TV Line-ups were not all that different to today's television. The only difference is that Freeview had not been invented back then (and Sky just showed clouds). There was only a small number of channels. Difficult to believe, but there was no cBeebies to take the place of a baby sitter. BB...
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Funny story: The origin of the Intelligently Designed Species

The origin of the Intelligently Designed Species

God woke up one morning, well, it would have been a morning, had he invented them. "Light!" he said, and so it was. "That's better. I can see where I am going now." God wanted something different for breakfast on this, he cast around for a new word to describe everything with light in it. He wanted something different for breakfast on this day. That was the word he needed. But what to have?...
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Funny story: Intelligent Design handbook

Intelligent Design handbook

There are a number of points to remember when arguing the case for Intelligent Design. In the most cases you will be discussing ID with non-scientists. When discussing ID with anybody with even a rudimentary scientific background, remember that you will not be able to convince them that they are incorrect they are too indoctrinated by three hundred years of scientific advances. Instead remember th...
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Funny story: Dating Ads for less desirable professions

Dating Ads for less desirable professions

Here at The Spoof we know that everybody deserves love. If you're a lady looking for love, why not have a peruse of our latest dating ads? Darlington hangman, 42, GSOH is looking for a 35-45yo woman, with a long neck. Must enjoy short walks, profound words, sumptuous meals, loitering around scaffolding and not mind my occasional practical joke, such as kicking your chair away. I am not very cha...
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Funny story: Dream Diarist - Televisions

Dream Diarist - Televisions

Dear Dream Diarist. I had a strange dream last night. I was at work in the office and they had installed three televisions around the office so we could see the latest news as it happened. Each television could be controlled by any of the remotes. From my desk we could see the receptionist and the TV near her. I was with a female co-worker and we were having a big giggle as my co-worker would k...
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Funny story: Who is in charge of Belgium?

Who is in charge of Belgium?

It is coming up to the anniversary of the day that Belgium's political deadlock started. Nobody has yet noticed. Although not widely known by the rest of the world, in June 2010 due to a deadlock between the elected officials, nobody won the election. In the UK this resulted in the ConDem partnership, in Belgium they decided they could get on perfectly well without anybody in charge. This ap...
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Funny story: Tameside spent £30,000 on Lifestyle Schemes, now must cut £100million

Tameside spent £30,000 on Lifestyle Schemes, now must cut £100million

As the furore continues over budget cuts at local councils, the media are getting ever more desperate to point the finger of blame at wasteful councils. The latest such finger-pointing has been levelled at Tameside Council in Greater Manchester. In 2006 it was identified that sickness and illness were costing the council millions of pounds. Action was taken, and thirty thousand pounds was spent...
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Funny story: Review: Language tapes

Review: Language tapes

As the Spoof's foremost reviewer I get to review some cool stuff. This month I was sent three Lingo language packs: German, Italian and Spanish. I would quite like to have learned Chinese, just to find out what the people in the Chinese Chippy were saying about me. I've never been very good at learning languages though. I even with English struggle. Lingo packs come in three parts. These are:...
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Funny story: My night in London

My night in London

It all started so well, until my friend rang me up while I was on the train going down and told me that I could no longer sleep on his sofa. He would still meet me for drinks, but his girlfriend had put her foot down. Apparently, the last person who had spent the night on his sofa was still there two weeks later. The internet on a phone is a marvellous invention, and by the time I reached Eusto...
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Funny story: Cooking for Physicists

Cooking for Physicists

There are plenty of "How To" articles for buying houses and the other big decisions. How To books for cooking, however, are rarely called "How to Cook", unless you look for books by Delia Smith. Instead, they have a bewildering array of names, such as "30 Minute Meals", "101 Recipes for Lentils", and the like. This makes selecting appropriate reference material more complicated. Many of you wil...
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Funny story: Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise

Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise

Carlton Hennings of the Psychological Institute of Swindon, Sussex heard the phrase "Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise" when he was very young. Being a keen analytical thinker, he decided that he would try and determine whether there was any truth in this Old Wives Tale. "From the age of nine I have followed a strict regime," said Hennings, now fifty-eight...
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Funny story: My son used the tooth fairy to disprove God

My son used the tooth fairy to disprove God

I've no idea how I managed to produce not one, but two children who were advanced analytical thinkers whilst their age was still in single figures. However, I did. They have both, independently come to the conclusion that there is no god by very different means. My eldest used deductive reasoning. He'd lost a few teeth, and got the obligatory tooth fairy exchange rate. One tooth, he neglecte...
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Funny story: How to tell the difference between the sexes for physicists

How to tell the difference between the sexes for physicists

Many long hours in the lab, observatory or one's own head can leave many dedicated physicist unable to make the basic distinction between the sexes. Fortunately, there is a handy reference for identifying the sexes that can prevent many an unfortunate encounter. This is similar to the process for confirming a hypothesis, and contains many null hypothesis, thus it is totally scientific and can b...
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Funny story: Do Crimewatch reconstructions help?

Do Crimewatch reconstructions help?

Crimewatch, the Reality TV show for criminals, has been on the air now for twenty years. During this time, they have helped police close many cases, so they claim. One of the more popular methods for enlisting the help of the public is to show a 'reconstruction' using actors that bare a passing resemblance to the victim. Originally, these showed the information that the polcie had, last movemen...
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Funny story: Meeting women for Physicists

Meeting women for Physicists

There is nothing trickier in life than finding The One. Not Neo from the Matrix, but a partner with which to spend one's life; a soul-mate. The One is often typified by a strong attraction, and it is here where we can look for help in physics with the laws of electromagnetism. Faraday's law of induction (or in this case, introduction) states that moving a magnet induces electricity. Or to put i...
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Funny story: Directions for physicists

Directions for physicists

At school, we are taught that there are four states of matter (in decreasing order of order) Solid, Liquid, Gas and Plasma. Physicists know of a fifth, which is Bose-Einstein Condensate, which is a kind of solid liquid. However, this is an extreme and rarely encountered outside of the lab. But what does this have to do with asking for directions? Well, there are four states of being lost.
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Funny story: Laws of Home Economics for physicists

Laws of Home Economics for physicists

As with the laws of thermodynamics, there are three laws of home economics. The dedicated physicist should bare these in mind when setting up home. 1. Conservation of energy No matter how often lights and appliances are switched off, elsewhere in the home, a spouse or child is turning on something else. This keeps the house energy levels constant. Adding insulation, energy saving bulbs and tri...
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Funny story: In my medicine cabinet

In my medicine cabinet

I recently had a rash on my hands. It was quite a nasty rash, brought on by stress, apparently. I'm one of the most relaxed people I know, and yet, according to the doctor I was stressed and it led to the rash. Personally, I feel I am allergic to something, and my doctor couldn't be bothered finding out...but that's another story. I was given some cream for the rash. Being a law abiding citizen...
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Funny story: Slip trip or fall at work? You may be entitled to compensation

Slip trip or fall at work? You may be entitled to compensation

Here at Downright, Dangerous and Careless we take all kinds of personal injury and death cases, getting the maximum compensation for our clients with a no-win not-free personal injury and death claims department. From the ridiculous to the stupid, we take all kinds of cases, you don't even need to have died, we'll also take on fatal injury cases. Give us a call if you have been fatally injur...
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Funny story: Dear Doctor Dorothy - Blood Letting

Dear Doctor Dorothy - Blood Letting

Dear Doctor Dorothy, Since being small, I have wanted to be pale and interesting. Unfortunately, I have always had a healthy complexion. Now I am a teenage emo, and I discovered if I give blood twice a day, I can get the complexion I desire. Slowly I am fitting in with my new friends. However, I find that I am losing all my energy, and I feel faint quite a lot. On top of this, I have lost the a...
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Showing page 3 (of 5 pages)

Breaking News...

Style Maven/Ex-Con Stewart Announces Her Latest For the Holiday

Stewart today touted her rollout of MarthaGoblers--designer turkeys for the Thanksgiving feast. MarthaGoblers are available in various skin-tone shades from Titian Brown to Chirascuro Noir and Blanc
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