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Funny story: Leave that Frog Alone

Leave that Frog Alone

Chris was the taller of us. By maybe a half an inch, but when you're six years old half an inch is like comparing a walrus to a penguin. He was pudgy with curly brown hair and brown eyes. I on the other hand had blonde hair and blue eyes, was as skinny as a rail and my face was smothered in freckles. We were known as double trouble by our teachers and classmates. That was double trouble by co...
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Funny story: Giddy Up You Old Fool

Giddy Up You Old Fool

I've ridden the wicked draw that runs from shytown to the edge of the heinous herd that abomination of unspeakables which propagates fear in the dreams of the unweary in the center of that heinous herd you will find the apocalypse sitting smug, wrapped in oil skins on a heap of 2 day old horned imp skulls Giddy up you old fool The heinous herd was an abomination that even all of hell reject...
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Funny story: Spinny McGintz's Guide to Completing AA 12-Step Program in 1 Day

Spinny McGintz's Guide to Completing AA 12-Step Program in 1 Day

Yo everybody! It's me, your good friend Spinny McGintz. I'm here to help everyone succeed in completing AA's 12 Step program in only 1 day. AA, for those who don't know, is something about alcohol, so if you don't drink a lot of alcohol or haven't been arrested for a DWI and been ordered by some asshole judge to attend AA, you've probably never heard of it. Yeah, yeah, I got caught while d...
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Funny story: The Untold Story of White Sharks at the Jefferson Memorial Tidal Basin

The Untold Story of White Sharks at the Jefferson Memorial Tidal Basin

Unbeknown to the majority of people living today, there was a time in this country's history when great white sharks proliferated the tidal basin encompassing the Thomas Jefferson Memorial in the city of Washington, DC. The story had its origins in the great nutria revolt of 1932. The story starts with the great American Depression of the 1930's when then Secretary of State, Doug Witless, who...
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Funny story: Crab Gang Leader Isn't So Tough After Molting

Crab Gang Leader Isn't So Tough After Molting

Blue Point crab, Bruno Pinchaletta, was the meanest, biggest, baddest , mother fucker that ever squirted sideways in the brackish waters of the southern Chesapeake bay. The super jumbo sized crustacean ran the biggest pinching racket on the US's east coast outside of the White House's Secret Service pinching the local scenery in Columbia. Unlike the Secret Service, Bruno's gang did much more t...
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Funny story: I Thought Kazoo Lived in a Zoo

I Thought Kazoo Lived in a Zoo

When I was a kid, everything I needed to know to get through life I had already learned from cartoons before I graduated kindergarten. I learned how to be sarcastic, underhanded and a master of disguise from Bugs Bunny which I felt could come in handy some day if someone tries to serve me with a bench warrant. I learned the importance of being greedy, greedy, greedy and more greedy from Daffy Du...
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Funny story: Ferris Wheel Operator is Just Itching to Throw the Brake in the Middle of the Ride after releasing the Seat Locks

Ferris Wheel Operator is Just Itching to Throw the Brake in the Middle of the Ride after releasing the Seat Locks

Percy Twirl has been working the giant Ferris wheel at Jumpin' Jimmy's Amusement Park without incident for close to two decades now. But as of late, Percy Twirl has just been itching to unlock the seat locks and pull the emergency brake somewhere in the middle of a ride when the Ferris wheel is chock full of fannies. Percy finds himself more and more clenching and unclenching his right hand as...
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Funny story: Da Pope's Maid Arrested for Airing His Dirty Underwear

Da Pope's Maid Arrested for Airing His Dirty Underwear

It's been a really bad week for his Holiness, Da Pope. First he has to have his butler John Leaky arrested for imparting unto the press that he, the butler that is, kept a secret stash that was way better than the stuff he gave Da Big Cheese. This caused great discord between the two, especially when Da Big Kahuna smoked a couple of joints of it and found that the stuff the butler was giving him...
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Funny story: Danbury Swamp Chapter 5

Danbury Swamp Chapter 5

"My name is Shannon", the girl started sadly. "I am asking you these questions because I care for you and I'm bothering you because I really like you and why do I care why you drink that cranberry tea? I can tell you but it would take me all day and until tomorrow, until a quarter past three". Something about this girl struck the toad in a very peculiar way. It's a way that he had felt befor...
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Funny story: An Apology from God

An Apology from God

What can I say? I am The Almighty God who is more commonly known as "The Big Cheese". I am not perfect I've made some mistakes in my infinite time being God, but it's not like I ever had any guidance or education to prepare me for being God. I pretty much had to wing it on the fly. For an infinite period of time, me being God, pretty much nothing happened. My first idea and attempt at anyth...
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Funny story: Danbury Swamp Chapter 4

Danbury Swamp Chapter 4

The little girl's words left the toad quite speechless. He really had no answer for her reasoning, because the toad knew, that she was really quite correct in what she said. As he sat and thought about her words the toad began to become angry inside. The anger began to grow and grow inside the toad until he could no longer hold it in. He finally blurted out in an angry voice: "Those dirty,...
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Funny story: Danbury Swamp Chapter 3

Danbury Swamp Chapter 3

There came a high pitched sound that made me stop in my tracks and drop that big rock right back into the ground. It was funny because when I dropped that rock it made nary a sound. This sound was something new. This sound was something different. This sound, I've never heard here before, in the swamp called Danbury. "That's so sad", said the high pitched voice. The toad was quite star...
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Funny story: Danbury Swamp - Chapter 2

Danbury Swamp - Chapter 2

These rats were thin and wiry. They all had crooked whiskers and long orange capes that reached down to the ground. They wore on top of their heads, hard brown wooden hats, which smelled so bad they scared off all of the swamp's gnats. You would have to be a really nasty rat to scare off all the swamp's gnats. There were five of those rats in that flat brown bottom boat. They moved that b...
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Funny story: Danbury Swamp - Chapter 1

Danbury Swamp - Chapter 1

Have you ever been to Danbury Swamp? It's a hard place to get to, I can assure you. It is very, very far away. You first, have to walk down a high, long and winding blue road. You know that road… It's that road that takes you past the blue whispering willows and yellow cherry tree groves. It's that road that takes you up past those yellow brick rambling houses with gardens of o...
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Funny story: The Importance of Clean Briefs - Chapter 5

The Importance of Clean Briefs - Chapter 5

Meisterfibber took a large breath, puffed out his chest, enhanced his 'air of dignity' and began giving the terms, one at a time. "The first term is for you to stop killing off the King's guard". Burpsfire needed a moment to think about this. After some time he came up with the following response: "But, I've already killed off every one of the King's guard", the dragon said with a puzzled...
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Funny story: The Importance of Clean Briefs - Chapter 4

The Importance of Clean Briefs - Chapter 4

Meisterfibber went back home and told his mom about his upcoming quest. She was not pleased to hear about it, but thought that getting her adopted son away from Murray's Tavern for a few days would not be such a bad idea. She packed him a backpack full of food and took a fresh clean pair of briefs and put them into a leather case. She told him, that, if he was to make a good impression with the...
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Funny story: The Importance of Clean Briefs - Chapter 3

The Importance of Clean Briefs - Chapter 3

Hop-To-It paused for a moment to see if he could remember if he had asked Larry if he'd put on a fresh clean pair of briefs that morning. He couldn't remember if he did so he continued on with the story. "I introduced ourselves and told Burpsfire that Larry was here to parley for the Kingdom of Dodgedom. Larry stepped forward to face Burpsfire and… And… Just turned all white. His eyes got al...
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Funny story: The Importance of Clean Briefs - Chapter 2

The Importance of Clean Briefs - Chapter 2

As the King silently wept into his beer he could only wish that he'd taken his mother's advice and become a heavy metal rock star. The king's moping was finally ended by a loud voice that came from the back of the room. "Hey!" cried out a voice from the middle of the room. "Why not do parley with the dragon to strike a truce? I don't see how we have anything to lose by trying". The King...
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Funny story: The Night We Almost Burned Grandma's Farm Down

The Night We Almost Burned Grandma's Farm Down

Back in the day during the summer after my first two semesters of college, I came across a high school friend who was taking summer school college courses as was I. Why anyone would ever want to be associated with any college I went to was beyond me. He introduced me to the sport of racquet ball and after the second set of summer courses he invited me to go on his annual two week trip to Nor...
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Funny story: Desperate Man Meets Desperate Woman, Both Decide that they aren't Nearly that Desperate

Desperate Man Meets Desperate Woman, Both Decide that they aren't Nearly that Desperate

Desperate for dates of any kind, Susan Fugly and Jerry Booger, both of Cleveland, Ohio, who met through the dating service I'll Take Anything, met for their inaugural and last date at a local restaurant called Grease Is Us. Sitting in a booth at the back of the restaurant next to a bay window that overlooked a landfill, both parties were a bit stunned by what they saw. So stunned in fact that...
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Funny story: Man Threatens "not" to Sue Anyone

Man Threatens "not" to Sue Anyone

A San Diego, California man has threatened he will not sue anyone at all for any reason whatsoever. Forty two year old Jerry Don Looney has been barricaded in his house since yesterday afternoon. Police have the entire building surrounded and have been trying to get Mr. Looney to surrender peaceably. The incident started harmlessly enough when a neighbor of Looney's, Sally Post, accident...
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Funny story: The Importance of Clean Briefs Chapter 1

The Importance of Clean Briefs Chapter 1

The days had turned dark and ominous for the elves of the Kingdom of Dodgedom. A great evil had imparted itself on this once merry and happy Kingdom, greatly souring the elves spirits as well as their milk. Yes, it is sad to say that where there was once happiness there is now sorrow. The laughter had changed to crying and the sunshine to rain. Parties had turned into mere funerals for lost...
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