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Funny story: Don't worry About the House Just Keep on Driving

Don't worry About the House Just Keep on Driving

Back in my college days I was studying at the University of Arizona in Tucson, Arizona. The school had a good engineering college which suited me well, that is whenever I actually attended class. The University was, also, known to be a party school and attracted a lot of people from the northern and eastern states who came to the school to escape the harsh winters which had brought about a lot o...
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Funny story: Spinney McGintz Gives Tips On How To Act In Court

Spinney McGintz Gives Tips On How To Act In Court

Yo everybody, this is your good friend Spinny McGintz talking to you from Riker's Island prison where I'm spending a little vacation after holding up a burger joint with a frozen banana. Don't worry about me, I'll be just fine in my nice new orange jump suit. Today I want to explain to all of you everything you need to know about court etiquette. Believe me after spending several of days in c...
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Funny story: About Those Cigarettes In Your Shirt Pocket

About Those Cigarettes In Your Shirt Pocket

I always liked visiting the Super Bowl Pub in Wheaton, Maryland to check in with my fellow dregs to catch up on the local news, down copious beverages, talk bull and shoot some pool. Most of all we liked to talk to our good friend and owner, John, who when he saw us playing pool mumbled: "I wish you would play darts and hit someone in the back of the head rather than ruin my good pool tables".
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Funny story: Keep Pushing That Truck

Keep Pushing That Truck

Back in the day a bunch of us used to hang out at a bar called the Super Bowl Pub in Wheaton, Maryland. The Super Bowl Pub was a nice dive bar which drew the most unsavory of clientele of which we were proud to be a part of. Actually we were so unsavory every other bar in town wouldn't have us except for the Super Bowl Pub. We liked to always point this fact out to the owner, John, who would si...
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Funny story: Leave that Frog Alone

Leave that Frog Alone

Chris was the taller of us. By maybe a half an inch, but when you're six years old half an inch is like comparing a walrus to a penguin. He was pudgy with curly brown hair and brown eyes. I on the other hand had blonde hair and blue eyes, was as skinny as a rail and my face was smothered in freckles. We were known as double trouble by our teachers and classmates. That was double trouble by co...
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Funny story: Giddy Up You Old Fool

Giddy Up You Old Fool

I've ridden the wicked draw that runs from shytown to the edge of the heinous herd that abomination of unspeakables which propagates fear in the dreams of the unweary in the center of that heinous herd you will find the apocalypse sitting smug, wrapped in oil skins on a heap of 2 day old horned imp skulls Giddy up you old fool The heinous herd was an abomination that even all of hell reject...
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Funny story: Spinny McGintz's Guide to Completing AA 12-Step Program in 1 Day

Spinny McGintz's Guide to Completing AA 12-Step Program in 1 Day

Yo everybody! It's me, your good friend Spinny McGintz. I'm here to help everyone succeed in completing AA's 12 Step program in only 1 day. AA, for those who don't know, is something about alcohol, so if you don't drink a lot of alcohol or haven't been arrested for a DWI and been ordered by some asshole judge to attend AA, you've probably never heard of it. Yeah, yeah, I got caught while d...
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Funny story: The Untold Story of White Sharks at the Jefferson Memorial Tidal Basin

The Untold Story of White Sharks at the Jefferson Memorial Tidal Basin

Unbeknown to the majority of people living today, there was a time in this country's history when great white sharks proliferated the tidal basin encompassing the Thomas Jefferson Memorial in the city of Washington, DC. The story had its origins in the great nutria revolt of 1932. The story starts with the great American Depression of the 1930's when then Secretary of State, Doug Witless, who...
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Funny story: Crab Gang Leader Isn't So Tough After Molting

Crab Gang Leader Isn't So Tough After Molting

Blue Point crab, Bruno Pinchaletta, was the meanest, biggest, baddest , mother fucker that ever squirted sideways in the brackish waters of the southern Chesapeake bay. The super jumbo sized crustacean ran the biggest pinching racket on the US's east coast outside of the White House's Secret Service pinching the local scenery in Columbia. Unlike the Secret Service, Bruno's gang did much more t...
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Funny story: I Thought Kazoo Lived in a Zoo

I Thought Kazoo Lived in a Zoo

When I was a kid, everything I needed to know to get through life I had already learned from cartoons before I graduated kindergarten. I learned how to be sarcastic, underhanded and a master of disguise from Bugs Bunny which I felt could come in handy some day if someone tries to serve me with a bench warrant. I learned the importance of being greedy, greedy, greedy and more greedy from Daffy Du...
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Funny story: Ferris Wheel Operator is Just Itching to Throw the Brake in the Middle of the Ride after releasing the Seat Locks

Ferris Wheel Operator is Just Itching to Throw the Brake in the Middle of the Ride after releasing the Seat Locks

Percy Twirl has been working the giant Ferris wheel at Jumpin' Jimmy's Amusement Park without incident for close to two decades now. But as of late, Percy Twirl has just been itching to unlock the seat locks and pull the emergency brake somewhere in the middle of a ride when the Ferris wheel is chock full of fannies. Percy finds himself more and more clenching and unclenching his right hand as...
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Funny story: Da Pope's Maid Arrested for Airing His Dirty Underwear

Da Pope's Maid Arrested for Airing His Dirty Underwear

It's been a really bad week for his Holiness, Da Pope. First he has to have his butler John Leaky arrested for imparting unto the press that he, the butler that is, kept a secret stash that was way better than the stuff he gave Da Big Cheese. This caused great discord between the two, especially when Da Big Kahuna smoked a couple of joints of it and found that the stuff the butler was giving him...
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Funny story: Danbury Swamp Chapter 5

Danbury Swamp Chapter 5

"My name is Shannon", the girl started sadly. "I am asking you these questions because I care for you and I'm bothering you because I really like you and why do I care why you drink that cranberry tea? I can tell you but it would take me all day and until tomorrow, until a quarter past three". Something about this girl struck the toad in a very peculiar way. It's a way that he had felt befor...
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Funny story: An Apology from God

An Apology from God

What can I say? I am The Almighty God who is more commonly known as "The Big Cheese". I am not perfect I've made some mistakes in my infinite time being God, but it's not like I ever had any guidance or education to prepare me for being God. I pretty much had to wing it on the fly. For an infinite period of time, me being God, pretty much nothing happened. My first idea and attempt at anyth...
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Funny story: Danbury Swamp Chapter 4

Danbury Swamp Chapter 4

The little girl's words left the toad quite speechless. He really had no answer for her reasoning, because the toad knew, that she was really quite correct in what she said. As he sat and thought about her words the toad began to become angry inside. The anger began to grow and grow inside the toad until he could no longer hold it in. He finally blurted out in an angry voice: "Those dirty,...
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Funny story: Danbury Swamp Chapter 3

Danbury Swamp Chapter 3

There came a high pitched sound that made me stop in my tracks and drop that big rock right back into the ground. It was funny because when I dropped that rock it made nary a sound. This sound was something new. This sound was something different. This sound, I've never heard here before, in the swamp called Danbury. "That's so sad", said the high pitched voice. The toad was quite star...
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Funny story: Danbury Swamp - Chapter 2

Danbury Swamp - Chapter 2

These rats were thin and wiry. They all had crooked whiskers and long orange capes that reached down to the ground. They wore on top of their heads, hard brown wooden hats, which smelled so bad they scared off all of the swamp's gnats. You would have to be a really nasty rat to scare off all the swamp's gnats. There were five of those rats in that flat brown bottom boat. They moved that b...
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Funny story: Danbury Swamp - Chapter 1

Danbury Swamp - Chapter 1

Have you ever been to Danbury Swamp? It's a hard place to get to, I can assure you. It is very, very far away. You first, have to walk down a high, long and winding blue road. You know that road… It's that road that takes you past the blue whispering willows and yellow cherry tree groves. It's that road that takes you up past those yellow brick rambling houses with gardens of o...
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Funny story: The Importance of Clean Briefs - Chapter 5

The Importance of Clean Briefs - Chapter 5

Meisterfibber took a large breath, puffed out his chest, enhanced his 'air of dignity' and began giving the terms, one at a time. "The first term is for you to stop killing off the King's guard". Burpsfire needed a moment to think about this. After some time he came up with the following response: "But, I've already killed off every one of the King's guard", the dragon said with a puzzled...
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Funny story: The Importance of Clean Briefs - Chapter 4

The Importance of Clean Briefs - Chapter 4

Meisterfibber went back home and told his mom about his upcoming quest. She was not pleased to hear about it, but thought that getting her adopted son away from Murray's Tavern for a few days would not be such a bad idea. She packed him a backpack full of food and took a fresh clean pair of briefs and put them into a leather case. She told him, that, if he was to make a good impression with the...
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Funny story: The Importance of Clean Briefs - Chapter 3

The Importance of Clean Briefs - Chapter 3

Hop-To-It paused for a moment to see if he could remember if he had asked Larry if he'd put on a fresh clean pair of briefs that morning. He couldn't remember if he did so he continued on with the story. "I introduced ourselves and told Burpsfire that Larry was here to parley for the Kingdom of Dodgedom. Larry stepped forward to face Burpsfire and… And… Just turned all white. His eyes got al...
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Funny story: The Importance of Clean Briefs - Chapter 2

The Importance of Clean Briefs - Chapter 2

As the King silently wept into his beer he could only wish that he'd taken his mother's advice and become a heavy metal rock star. The king's moping was finally ended by a loud voice that came from the back of the room. "Hey!" cried out a voice from the middle of the room. "Why not do parley with the dragon to strike a truce? I don't see how we have anything to lose by trying". The King...
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