Miley Cyrus needed a break so her dad, Billy Ray decided to go home to northern Kentucky and go on a three-day fishing and camping trip.
Of course, they did allow me, a reporter for $tat$, to go with them and use the photographs for a Family Type article.
After the first day, they didn't catch a thing and, although Billy took it in stride, Miley seemed upset.
"Look at that guy, Pops. Hey,...
1. Whoa! Somebody was left lying on their back for a year after their birth! Or did somebody hit you in the back of the head with an anvil?
2. Jong? Like in "Long Jong Silver"?
3. He what? Likes to kiss you on all four cheeks.
4. So I have to humor him about the road runner & Wile E.?
5. Of course cartoons are real. (So is keeping my head).
6. Bring him a pie and glace at...
1. Married guy in Brazil when he could have chosen from 200,000 in New York City.
2 From Kentucky. 50/50 chance to go nuts if you're from Kentucky. (See Miley Cyrus & Dad))
3. Ned Beatty, also from Kentucky, taught him to squeal like a pig.
4. Showed part of the Gulf of Mexico on his chest during Day's Weather Report.
5. Liberace Tattoo
6. "Balls out guest Whoopi Goldberg for l...
Following is a list of movies that tried hard to follow in the footsteps of the ones that made it. However, they were complete flops! Sorry if you paid good money to see any of them.
1. Vacation 5: The Griswolds Visit Charles Manson
3. Ace Ventura: Golf With Ken Verturi
4. The Nutty Actuary
5. The 40-Year Old Vegan
6. What's Up There, Doc?
7. Austin Power Com...
With the country so far in debt, the White House has ordered twice as many audits this year than normal. Listed below are some signs that might make them include you in their audits:
1. Your last name is Madoff.
2. You still include all those cats as dependents.
3. Placing an SWAK on the envelope flap.
4. You list all your losses at the Casino as business expenses. (I was trying...
According to an old list found in her garbage can several years ago, these were the least favorite attractions of Miley Cyrus while working with Disney.
1. The Magic Condom
2. Chief Crazy Bear's Jamboree
3. The Great Hall of Mullets
4. Sliding Down Wet, Slick Rush Limbaugh Water Slide
5. Tasting authentic recycled former astronaut piss
6. Mace Mountain
7. "Kiss The Geek...
Many of these failed Broadway Musicals came within a hair of becoming a big hit but all fifteen flopped after only one night's showing after being carved up by critics.
15. A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Spoof's Forum!
14. Man From La Cucaracha
13. The Full Monkey.
12. Gypsy Yodler
11. My Hairy Lady
10. Guys And Guy's Dolls
9. Little Carnival Ship of Horrors...
Following are the tricks the hicks left in the Big Apple:
1. Cops On Horses that have been secretly fed bean cakes.
2. Turned over Port-a-potties! (Some with angry blue colored users inside.)
3. Passed out Winos sitting on the street sporting straw hats.
4. Suicide chalk lines now have scarecrows in them.
5. Fake police tape sticky on both sides surround several police stations...
Prince William has begun his training for becoming King should that happen anytime soon. Among the new things he is receiving top training:
1. Becoming non-amused at common jokes like when he threw a cow pie in Prince Harry's face, still a bit freckled.
2. Learn to throw out the first fist in someone's face at a soccer match. He'll be watched by fans on the big screen).
3. Feed the roy...
Following is the most often overheard remarks by those who attended 96 year old Herbie and 92 year old Beulah's wedding at nursing home Tuesday:
10. "Pregnant! I knew it!"
9. "I thought he died three years ago. Must have been Herbie Senior."
8. "They say she once dated a Neanderthal...Just kidding."
7. "Till death do ye part...I said..Herbie, you still with us?"
6. "No Ma'm. I s...
The following toys have already been recalled for Christmas this year after consumers Guide tested them out! Please return them for a refund.
14. Leggo Castle from Wham-O (Seems to be placed outside parents bedroom and when one comes out, WHAM-O!)
13. Little Lady Godiva with Stick Horse
12. The guillotine toe-nail clipper
11. Barn Roof Parachute.
10. Little Buddy's First Sledge...
Following is what is considered the worst books by Dr. Souss and are not recommended to be read to your children at night before tucking them into bed. Also, these are not located in the Children's section at your local bookstore.
10. The Sneetches Lose Their Breetches
9. Oh The Places That New Puppy Will Go!
8. I Can Seed With My Eyes Shut
7. The Glunk That Stunk
6. How The Gri...
Following is the Top 14 Animal Novels of all time, according to a list submitted by us to PETA. (You might want to read these to your pet although one of ours giggled, another one peed)
14. The Leg of Miss Jean Brodie
13. Brave New Squirrel
12. Old Fetcher's In The Pie
11. Lord of the Turkey Wings
10. The Accidental Turd-Gift
9. The Good Boy
8. To Grill a Mockingbird...
Top 12 Rules from Grannies that you should have listened to!
Though it's too late now.
12. Always use a fine tooth comb on pubic hair when you shower.
11. Always wear clean underwear when you go out in case someone uses mirrors on top of their shoes.
10. Allow parents to take off the training wheels only after you pass the test for your drivers license.
9. Never teach your pe...
Top Ten Cigarettes than never caught on, no matter how many commercials you ran on television and radio, billboards placed along the highways!
9. Saferettes (We put your health first with our filter at each end.)
8. Fifty Butts (Save a buck, order Fifty Butts)
7. S & M's
6. Lucky Dope
5. Tobacco Farmers Genuine Organic Locally Grown Tobacco
The following horror films tried hard to scare people and therefore become a classic and produce money year after year, when released around Halloween. But, for one reason or another, flopped after word got round that they stank!
12. The Silence of the Lambskins
11. The Texas See-Saw Murders
10. The Shunning
9. The Extra Cyst
8. Motor Psycho
7. The Night of the Living Br...
Following are the top worst movie-related Television ads that are trying to get you to keep on trying to sign up for Obamacare no matter how long that may take. Note: It takes twice as long to back out of it.
12. Mutiny On The Obamacare.
11. One Flew Over The Obamacare Mess.
10. Saving Private Obamacare.
9. Obamacare Wars (The GOP Strikes Back).
8. The Obamacare Queen (starr...
These ten items will soon be removed from Goose Mountain catalogs and stores. They are just not He-Man material say owners.
10. Toilet paper shaped like leaves.
9. Best Butterfly Recipes.
8. Freeze-Dried Chewing Gum.
7. Snake charming kit.
6. Bear poop in woods (Joke)
5. Fake moss to add to wrong side of trees. Trick used in game to see who are the first group to fin...
According to a recent survey by none other that Playboy Magazine, these are the most hated names or terms a wife wants to be called during sex with her husband:
1. Sperm Bank
3. You still there?
4. Little Sticky
5. Loosey Goosey
6. Call the undertaker!
7. What's for supper tonight?
8. Did you know you had a wart at your hairline?
9. 84 bottles of beer on the wa...
Here are the most overheard terms of late for knocking off someone according to over 10,000 FBI secret tapes, once they removed one that turned out to be a new flavor from Ben & Jerry's.
10. Changed His Name to Kennedy.
9. Won't be able to sign up for Obamacare.
8. Playing Harp with Lennon and Harrison.
7. Widow to save money on crematorium bill.
6. Will Vote democrat By Pro...
Here are some places you can safely hide your money fron crooks like the Government, the IRS and other crooks:
1. In an envelope taped to the bottom of your youngest kid if you have a babe. If not, how about under the cat box?
2. In a watertight plastic bottle or jar in the commode place it under some fake diahrrea. (Be sure this commode is the one never flushed).
3. In a skin-colored env...
Following are the top 12 worst movies so far this year. Let's hope no more stinkers between now and New years Day.
12. Worms On A Plane (An AARP/Mile High Club Production)
11. Herbie And the Auto Erotic Studebaker!
10. S Is Fore T (A Sue Grafton Mystery)
9. Mario Can't Jump
8. The Land Time Forgot To Take A Timeout For These Commercials.
7. Close Encounters Of The Turd Kin...