Thanks to our contacts at the new News International business "Phonetaps'R'Us", located round the back of Fairfax Bus Station, I was exclusively sent a copy of a letter, which my gum-rubbing informant claims was sent to the Chief Executive of Barclays Bank, Bob Diamond, from the Chancellor yesterday.
Trusting you and yours are well.
Listen mate. Sorry the Financially Stupid Asse...
Following on from the Royal visit to Ireland, Buckingham Palace has announced a number of protocols in relation to future visits by H M The Queen.
The chief lady in waiting, Lady Huriup-Imlate, said, that from now on, people who meet Her Majesty:
1. Must not touch Her Majesty, even for "some small change for a cup of tea" and should certainly never try to sell her a copy of 'The Big Issue'...
Following the announcement that CPI inflation in the UK in the 12 months to April was 4.5% per cent, the Bank has published a letter from the Governor to the Chancellor, as required by policy. The letter is reproduced below:
Bank of England
London EC2R 8AH
The Rt Hon George Osborne
Chancellor of the Exchequer
1 Horse Guards Road
London SW1A 2HQ
As you w...
The town of Devil's Advocate in Cornwall was the venue for the log-awaited re-launch of the Ten Commandments.
At the press reception held in the Heaven and Hell Bar to make the announcement, the Permanent Secretary of CUC (Commandments Updating Committee), Mr G. Odd, set out the government's timetable for the proposed changeover in all houses of worship throughout the land.
Launching the upd...
Well, the Wikileaks just keep on coming!
In a new revelation that was declared brand new, some new leaks have been Wikied:
President Ihavea Nodinnajaquet of Iran: A 2009 cable between the USA and the rest of the world (except Iran) declared that the president was actually as crazy of a box of frogs. On fire. And without legs.
Ann Widdecombe, star of scream and stage, is in the running to...
The Chancellor of Tehran University, Ayatollah Barkingmad announced today that the University is coming back into the 19th century with the offer of a trench of new courses to enlighten the ignorant.
BSc in shoe throwing
This three-year course guides the student as to how best get value for money from their shoe-throwing activities. There is advice on the best type of shoes suitable for thro...
Susan Boyle, runner up in the UK Britain's Got Talent banking division of the Syco corporation, has announced a new range of items being marketed under the SuBo brand name.
Available from tomorrow, the range includes some vital items for today's modern woman, including:
SuBo Tights - a range of patterned support stockings
SuBo Pinny - a brightly coloured pinafore for cooking those dreadfu...
As the BNP goes to court against a disaffected former HQ member who published the names, addresses and occupations of BNP members on the internet, we again publish those details in the interests of public service, and of course, for a laugh.
Hugh Himmler - Director of BNP election leaflet stapling and envelope licking. Former IRA internment H-Block guard turned ballet dancer. Hobbies and intere...
Steddyeddy, who has not approached Peaches Geldof to write her biography, has nevertheless taken time from his slating shedule to bring Spoof Fans an exclusive extract. If you don't want to see the result, turn away NOW!
Chapter 5 (as high as the poor girl can count without the aid of a computer).
As a 14 year old, when Bob was busy saving the world, Peaches was happy to spend the day with h...
I felt it would be appropriate to share the following oxymorons with you all:
Dear Mr Dahling (sic)
Trusting this letter finds you and the Government keeping well.
One can only sit back and hope that the Exchequer enjoys the millions of pounds it receives each day from the Great British Motorist, who, as time marches on, becomes more and more disenfranchised with successive Governments. You may have ended 14 years of Tory rule the same (well approximately the same) nu...
These are the special "Value for Money" awards you have been waiting for - Steddyeddy's dedication to those businesses/organisations who in turn are solidly dedicated to .......... ripping you, their public, off. Of course, the main people to blame for the high prices are people like YOU, people who pay silly prices for silly things, allowing companies and firms to overcharge and provide extremely...
Definitions - "S"
"Social Diarist" - over-egoed and seriously rich and seriously minor Celeb who obtains their own column in a prominent position within one of the high circulation newspapers. Quite obviously didn't get the job through either literary or journalistic talents - either daddy is extremely top-heavy wallet-wise, they know a thing or two about casting couches, they were slung out o...
Hello John, Hello Sue, Hello Billy, Hello Bobby, Hello Readers.
I was watching the Olympic Games last night and realised that there are three medal positions. I thought to myself, this must be because they are unsure who the winner of an Olympic Game is, so they give three out just, as the Irish would say, to be sure, to be sure, to be sure.
The Olympic Games are really great for sport. They...
Fern Britten Virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
Jonathan Ross Virus: Not much use but still manages to get money out of your computer
BT Virus: Every three minutes tells you what great service you are getting.
Virgin Virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the BT virus.
Politically Correct Viru...
Written to the editor of the Sunday Times to demonstrate that I, like some of his regular contributors, could also write absolute drivel. Main problem being I don't get paid for it.
Campbell the Hedghog arrived home tyred (sic) and flat. Well he had, after all, been run over by a car.
With a general election soon to be in the offing, when the run-up begins, you are bound to receive a visit to your door from at least one MP. Here is a definitive guide to what they say and mean.
In his pre, pre, pre-budget speech, the Chancellor of the Exchequer has announced a raft of new taxes aimed at taking his traditional vendetta against the motorist out of the spotlight.
Speaking from my ivory tower on Canary Wharf, I learned today that not only is poor little Maddy Mccann missing, but speaking to our royal correspondent and former plumber, Kendo Nagagranny, I have found out, and can exclusively reveal, that Diana, Princess of Wales, is still dead!...
Had a fantastic day celebrating England's win in rugby.
It would appear that The Good Lord works in mysterious ways.