Cats come in many sizes. Big, small, slighter bigger than small, slighter smaller than big, fat ones, skinny ones, ones with lots of hair, ones with no hair, ones with hair in places that they really shouldn't have hair in, and so forth.
Cats have been known to meeeeow. On several occasions I have heard this distinctive sound emanating from the frontal section of said animal's body (generally r...
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So, to recap, of the children who won admittance to the wonderful magical world of Willy Wanker's Chocolate Shit Factory only Milly O ' Nare and Charlie Fuckitt remain.
German fat boy Uder died after getting trapped in the u-bend of a giant toilet-cum-chocolate shit lake; Oirish itinerant traveller boy Pikey Gee-Gee wa...
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The riverboat chugs along and comes to a stop after a terrifying tunnel passage in which images of sick depravity and torture appear before the eyes of the unfortunate passengers.
"I fuckin' hate in-flight entertainment", moans Grandpa Joe as he removes his headphones and places them back in their holder.
All are in agree...
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The usual crowd of nosy bastards gathers outside the gates to Willy Wanker's Chocolate Shit Factory. Amongst them stands Charlie and Grandpa Joe, both dressed in their best clothes - which coincidentally are exactly the same clothes as they always wear (they are poor, after all).
"Oh, this is so exciting, Grandpa Joe", grins Charlie.
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Charlie comes home and enters a strangely dark room.
"I'm back", he says half-heartedly.
"Surprise!", comes the reply as his family leap out wearing party hats and his mother at the front holding a lump of shite she baked.
"Happy birthday, son! We all pooled our excrement to make this homemade chocolate log", she says offering it to him.
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Charlie walks along the footpath on his way to work in the chimney factory, head held low and cap pulled down tightly over his ears to protect himself from the biting cold.
He passes the candy shop and stares in the paneled window at the children inside buying packets of "Wanker Chocolate Shit".
The Candyman, a tall, queer fellow (modern day meaning in t...
A timeless children's classic gets the Jesus Budda treatment for this jolly Christmas Season.
Ho ho ho!
As darkness descends over the old town, a young boy makes his way home from a long hard day slogging in the chimneys. Covered from head to foot in soot and dirt, he dances around gayly ( ye olde worlde meaning) and skips past puddles of filthy black sewerage.
It's Christmas and you are going out of your mind trying to think of what to buy for your loved ones.
Well I personally don't give a shit about that.
What I really care about is helping you avoid such dilemma's in the future.
The best way to achieve this is to buy really shitty gifts for them and then they will stop being your friends, so next year you can cross them off your gift list!...
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You have chosen SALVATION. But did you make the correct choice?
As the string quartet launch into a classical version of Frankie Goes to Hollywood's classic 'Two Tribes' the French midget crawls up onto the scaffold using just his tongue. O' Halloran wonders why he didn't just kill the bastard wh...
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You have chosen DEATH. But did you make the correct choice?
The French midget crawls up onto the scaffold using just his tongue. O' Halloran wonders why he didn't just kill the bastard when he had the chance back at Doris' house rather than releasing him.
That was a bit stupid, wasn't it? Anyhow…
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Jesus Christ, this fucking story is dragging on, innit?!!
Right, let's move this sucka along before I die of monotony…
O' Halloran stands in the courtyard before the Bastille.
"This is it, Doris. There's no turning back"
He takes one last look at Doris before dropping his pants, pulling out his todge...
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"I'll never reveal where I keep the time machine or the dastardly plot behind all the killings, O' Halloran! Torture me if you like, but I'll never talk", snarls the midget French guy as O' Halloran circles him, then does a little pirouette and then finally the splits before continuing his circling.
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O' Halloran keeps tight against the corner wall. He juts his fat head out and has a quick look around. No sign of anyone. The coast is clear. He signals to Doris and they both move across the road and crouch behind a cart.
"Are you sure this evil bastard drinks here?"
"Oui, O' Halloran. This is the place", she whis...
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O' Halloran hides in the back streets, careful to avoid eye contact with those French bastards. The age of Terror had long passed but this bizarre gateway to the past had allowed some evil maniac to go on a modern-day killing spree using the most vulnerable (and smelly) citizens of PsychoTown.
Back when he first became a policem...
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Later, O' Halloran sits curled up on the steps of an ambulance, a reflective sheet draped across his shoulders. He nurses a cup of strong coffee. Who knew a man could breast-feed a cup of coffee?
"You ok, O' Halloran?", asks the Lieutenant.
O' Halloran looks up, his face drenched in misery. He always was a bit of a miserable...
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Apartment 105. A smelly little dive located in an apartment block that's wedged firmly between "Titty McPenises" strip club and the local sperm bank. Anyone who lives 'round here is either down-on-their-luck plain broke or else just some sleazy fucking creeps.
"Who is it?". Asks the voice on the other side of the peephole.
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"You brought O' Halloran into the case?! Are you fucking crazy???!!!"
Lieutenant Kowalski is close to exploding as he slams his fist on the desk, sending pieces of cheeseburger spilling across the floor. Robo female cop has just informed her boss about O' Halloran and he's pissed. Well, he was pissed before she told him - he always liked to...
Previous Chapters: Part 1
"This is where the victims where last seen", says the robo female cop.
She stands on an X marked clearly in yellow paint on the sidewalk nest to an opened manhole cover.
"That's one nice looking hole", O' Halloran says.
"Stop looking up my skirt, ' Halloran, and pay attention", she snaps back.
She was still the same old robotic female cop. Maybe a...
'Fans' (I use the term very, very loosely) of PsychoTown will be delighted to catch up on the further adventures of grizzled wanking cop O' Halloran as he once again embarks on another...er, adventure.
Located between the local junior motorcycle club headquarters and a branch of Saucy Annie's Strip Joint, The Blue Oyster Bar's blue neon sign fizzes and splutters like the headla...
Psycho Town Recap: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6| Part 7| Part 8| Part 9| Part 10
Chapter 11 - The Conclusion/Confusion!
"Stop what you're doing right now, Doc? I want some fucking answers"
O' Halloran pushes open the mortuary door and points his finger at Doc who is slouched over a corpse, its entrails dripping from his hands.
Doc gazes up, slightly bewildered.
Psycho Town Recap: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6| Part 7| Part 8| Part 9
O' Halloran and the robo female cop cruise the streets of PsychoTown in his pink caddy.
"I'm glad that we've become a team, Detective. I honestly never believed that you could learn to accept a female - let alone a robotic one - into your life".
O' Halloran takes a turn off and...
Psycho Town Recap: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6| Part 7| Part 8
O' Halloran walks into the station house looking like shit.
"Hey, O' Halloran , you look like shit", says the token black detective.
He's right and O' Halloran knows it. That's the last time he wears his dog turd outfit to work: Halloween and birthday parties are the only occasio...