Dog tags ring, are you listenin'?
In the lane, snow is glistenin'.
It's yellow, NOT white I've been there tonight,
Marking up my winter wonderland.
Smell that tree? That's my fragrance.
It's a sign for wandering vagrants;
"Avoid where I pee, it's MY pro-per-ty!
Marked up as my winter wonderland."
In the meadow dad will build a snowman,
following the classical design.
Then I'll lift...
Once upon a time, two brothers were rummaging through a garbage heap when they came upon an old treasure map.
They dusted it off and saw that the directions took them up to the Adirondacks in the dead of winter.
Not wishing to miss a good adventure, they packed up some belongings, called to their shaggy dog, and were off.
Well, the treasure map was to lead them to a small cabin in the mou...
One day there was a guy who was driving down the road in his jeep on his way home from work and his car broke down.
He looked down the road and saw a pink house and decided that he would see if he could stay there for the night.
He walked up to the house and rang the pink door bell and a pink lady opened up the pink door. He asked her if he could spend the night and she said ok. So she lead...
The 2009 Ig Nobel winners, awarded Thursday at Harvard University by the Annals of Improbable Research magazine:
VETERINARY MEDICINE: Catherine Douglas and Peter Rowlinson for showing that cows with names give more milk than unnamed cows.
PEACE: Stephan Bolliger, Steffen Ross, Lars Oesterhelweg, Michael Thali and Beat Kneubuehl for investigating whether it is better to be struck over the hea...
One day while he was at the track playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.
Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race..
Before the next race, as the horses began lining up, Mitch watched with interest the old priest step onto the track. Sure...
After the recent Anti-trust hearings, Bill Gates recently compared the software market with the soft drink market. He says Microsoft is struggling to survive but that the beverage giant will be on top forever because the Department of Justice doesn't pick on them. Of course, Bill should be careful not to give Coke any ideas. We might end up with a scenario like the following:
Joe: (walking into...
....You're in a hot tub having sex with two supermodels and all you can think about is getting out to Tweet about it.
....You just confirmed Osama bin Laden and Bernie Madoff as Facebook friends.
....You just got a tattoo that says "Born to Twitter".
....You killed a drifter just so you could have something interesting to post.
....You just changed your relationship status to involved...
My friend lives in Hougang Ave 8. One evening he went to town for a movie with his friends. He was having a lot fun before he realized it was getting very late. He quickly made his way home.
It was unusually dark and creepy that night. As he was walking, he was astonished to find an old, creepy-looking street peddler selling some books along the road. It gave him the shivers when he noticed thi...
Green Garden Grass snakes can be dangerous, Yes, grass snakes, not rattle snakes. A couple in Sweetwater, Texas had a lot of potted plants, and during a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing in a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.
It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the w...
1. no1 b4 me. srsly.
2. dnt wrshp pix/idols
3. no omg's
4. no wrk on w/end (sat 4 now; sun l8r)
5. prnts ok - ur m&d r cool
6. dnt kill ppl
7. sx only w/ m8
8. dnt steal
9. dnt lie
10. dnt ogle ur bf's m8. or ox. or dnkey. myob.
Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties & local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink by any woman.
Many females use a date-drug on the market called 'Beer' .
The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large kegs.
Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade thei...
One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops - a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.
At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat...
Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your numb...
A research team proceeded towards the apex of a natural geologic protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel. The exact size of which was unspecified. One member of the team precipitously descended, sustaining severe damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomical structure.
Subsequently the second member of...
1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 5:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
2. If it's really a "rush job," run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
4. If my arms are full...
If it is to believed that monkeys with typewriters could produce the entire works of Shakespeare or that an explosion in a printing works could form The Bible, then here's a new one for you…
If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's...
O proud left foot, that ventures quick within
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke.
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from heaven's yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt
Verily, I say, '...
20 - No matter how much whiskey you have, you can still fish.
19 - A limp rod is still useful while fishing.
18 - You don't have to hide your Fishing magazines.
17 - It is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to Fish with you once in a while.
16 - The Ten Commandments don't say anything about Fishing.
15 - If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you Fishing, you don't...
The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.
Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the
The stairway was not...
Dogs and Cats Are Better Than Kids Because They:
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
(7) don't smoke or drink,
(8) don't want to wear your clothes,
(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college an...
Dear Ma & Pa:
Am well. Hope you are. Tell brother Walt & Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile.
Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.
Tell Walt & Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your...
We all know that an optimistic would see half full glass of water, while a pessimist would see a half empty one. What would people of different professions and walks of life say?
A Banker would say that the glass has just under 50% of its net worth in liquid assets.
The Government would say that the glass is fuller than if the opposition party were in power.
The Opposition party would say...